3 Types of Friends You Will Have as a Leader

by Clarence E. Stowers | Dec 7, 2021 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Leadership, Relationships

3 Types of Friends You Will Have as a Leader

3 Types of Friends You'll Have as a Leader

"How do I know who is a friend and who isn't?" asks the leader. It's like Charlie Brown trying to find out if Lucy will hold the football for him again. Sometimes you're sure that person is your best friend, but then they go and do something that makes you question their loyalty. Whatever the case may be, every leader has three types of friends: Positional Friends, Transactional friends, and Real Friends.

Positional Friends

Most leaders' friends are positional because it's easy to be friends with people in high positions. The leader doesn't have to do anything except hold a position of authority for people to want to be around them. Additionally, when positional friends surround the leader, they can quickly get information and access things they need.

Most leaders' friends are positional. This means that they are friends because of their position or social status. For example, if I'm the President of the United States, then the Prime Minister of Canada might want to be my friend because I have power and can make decisions that affect him.

Additionally, people want to be close to the leader to increase their position. They might like to be considered for a promotion or have more power. They might wish the leader to pull strings and increase their access or ability to move forward somehow.

More often than not, these people are trying to get close to you for their gain. They might be looking for some form of recognition, reward, or promotion. Or they might be looking for something else altogether. There's no guarantee whether they will be there when you need them the most, and it's good practice to know where your true friends lie. When you're a leader, positional friends are the ones you'll find yourself surrounded with most often.

While it might be comfortable and convenient to have positional friends, it's important to remember that these people aren't always there for you. They are only looking out for themselves and their interests. In addition to having positional friends, a significant number of leaders' friends is transactional.

Transactional Friends

The second group of people who want to be close to you is transactional. These people will give friendship in exchange for something that increases their status, like increased power or access. They're your biggest fans and say nice things about you in public and to others when they're not around.

Transactional friends usually want to get close to the leader in exchange for something that benefits them. Maybe they want access to power or resources that they wouldn't typically have.

They want to be seen as close to the leader and might even try to get pictures or post about how great it is to be friends with you on social media. But, when the transaction is over, and they don't need anything from you anymore, they'll move on. They won't be there for you when the chips are down.

Furthermore, these are the people that only know you when you're in a position of power, and they're looking for their success. They might want to be in your inner circle because it increases their status, but if you get fired or demoted, they'll move on to someone else who's close to the top.

As a leader, it's essential to be aware of these people and what they're looking for. In addition to positional and transactional friends, few leaders have relational friends.

Real Friends

The final group of a leader's friends is relational. These friends will be there for you even if your leadership role ends. They're mature enough to understand that leadership doesn't end with one person; it's part of a more extensive process, and they'll stick around to see what happens next. These friends are relational, meaning they care about the leader for who they are, not just for the position they hold.

It might be hard to differentiate between your transactional and real friends. They both say nice things, they're both there for you in some ways, and they might even do similar things.

But real friends will be by your side no matter the outcome on the job or a project. If it succeeds, they'll celebrate with you. If it fails, they'll be the ones to help you pick yourself up and dust yourself off. They're the ones who are there for the long haul. A leader's true friends are those who are there for them no matter what the outcome is.

It can be challenging to tell the difference between transactional and real friends, but there are some key distinctions. Transactional friends will be there for you as long as you're able to give them something in return. They might celebrate your successes, but they'll also be there to pick you up when you fail. On the other hand real friends, will be there for you no matter what the outcome is. They're not looking for anything in return; they want to be friends.

Discern Who Truly Cares About You

Knowing who truly cares about your success is an integral part of being a leader. Don't be afraid to cut off the transactional and positional friends in your life – it's not worth it to have them around if they're not going to be there for you when you need them the most. And, remember, just because someone is a relational friend doesn't mean that they're perfect. There will be times when they say the wrong things or make decisions that don't align with your goals.

But, in the end, relational friends are worth their weight in gold. Loyalty is hard to find these days and an invaluable trait for anyone who wants to succeed. So, choose your friends wisely and stay loyal to them through thick and thin.

As a leader, it is hard to know your true friends. Most leaders' friends are positional or transactional because they want something in return for being there for you when you need them the most. Your relational friend will be loyal no matter the outcome on the job or project and won't leave just because of one failure.

It's difficult to tell whether someone is more transaction-oriented than relationship-oriented. Choose wisely when choosing friends and stay loyal through thick and thin!

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It's impossible to live a mistake-free existence. It's like watching a murder mystery film. You know something awful is going to happen. It's an element of the plot. You may not know how the tale will conclude, but you understand that quitting isn't an option....

Why It’s Frustrating Leading Today’s Church and What to Do About It

by Clarence E. Stowers | Nov 30, 2021 | Christian, Christianity, Decisions, Empowerment, Encouragement, Leadership, Motivation

Church leaders, are you sensing something but can’t quite put your finger on it? Perhaps you’re feeling it’s becoming harder to lead. I want to talk about how we can change a culture. To do this, we need to understand it first.

We sometimes believe we have a problem when we don’t. We have a word for that, and it’s called being misdiagnosed, and it’s something we must avoid in our efforts to reach people. To reach the post-Covid and post-Christian West, we must first understand it thoroughly.

As you know, the world is shifting at a rapid pace. In this post, I’d like to focus on cultural changes taking place right under our noses. In other words, let me explain the mindset of the people who attend our churches and why it’s difficult leading them.

Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash

The People We Lead Prefer Individual Freedom and Happiness.

Lately, people are splitting into groups aligned with their self-interests. People are more interested in themselves and what they think of themselves. They don’t care about what other people think of them anymore. These days, it’s all about us.

People are more interested in themselves and what they think of themselves. They don’t care about what other people think of them anymore. These days, it’s all about us.

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The Bible established the standard for ethics, what people thought, how they behaved, and what they valued in the past. Experiences, wants, preferences, and emotions have taken their place.

For example, married people might say, “I feel like something has changed.” And they might think that means they should get divorced. But sometimes, couples can work it out because their feelings change back again. That’s why the divorce rate is five times what it was 50 years ago.

Furthermore, people will say, “I believe in God,” but they won’t attend church because it is old-fashioned and too traditional. Why? Because self has been elevated above God.

I have a friend who fights for Black Lives Matter. She’s also sexually liberated and doesn’t believe in God. She is like, “I am not going to listen to what you want me to do with my body, but I will tell you what you can do regarding Black Lives Matter.

The contradiction is confusing. Some people do not want to be judged on what they do. But on social media, everyone seems to judge other people. They’re wannabe moralists.

As church leaders, we need to be able to push against this trend and make a difference.

Anything or Anyone That Restrict Freedom, Happiness, And Self-Expression Are Cancelled.

In the west, many people don’t think religion is important. They believe that they can make their own religion. This may be because they don’t like the way authority structures work. People want to do what they want to do and not follow anyone else, so many churches are having a hard time in today’s world. That mindset doesn’t adhere to the fact that Jesus is Lord.

When we say, “Jesus is Lord,” it’s about how we listen and obey what Jesus tells us. We know what we believe, but we must also follow his instructions.

Moreover, Christianity is not about winning. It is about obeying. We preach that you can be a winner in Christianity, but the truth is that it’s about following something that goes beyond you. This can make your self-fulfillment challenging.

We preach that you can be a winner in Christianity, but the truth is that it’s about following something that goes beyond you.

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What’s Next?

Expand your thinking beyond the church and your building. Think Mission.

The church is not meant to be a sanctuary, but rather it’s called the mission field. The goal should shift from building our faith within bricks and mortar walls; instead, let us strive for more than believing in something without seeing its results on earth–we need active participation that impacts lives around us!

The church is not meant to be a sanctuary, but rather it’s called the mission field.

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If you are a church leader or pastor, this post should explain why leading in today’s climate can be challenging. The people we lead prefer individual freedom and happiness instead of being told what they should do by an authority figure. This means that many churches are having trouble attracting members who want the gospel message of Jesus as Lord but not as Savior with all its restrictions on their behavior.

So, in short, people today don’t want to be restricted by authority structures – including the church. They want to do what they want to do and not follow anyone else.

However, this doesn’t mean that we should give up. We need to preach that Jesus is Lord and that our Faith is not about winning in life but following Him. We also need to be obedient to Him and not just do what we want. This will be a challenge in today’s society, but it’s one that we need to overcome.

Something’s Off: Here’s Why It’s Harder Leading Today

by Clarence E. Stowers | Sep 27, 2021 | Empowerment

Leaders, I’m sure you’ve noticed that something feels off lately.

Maybe it’s in your work life, or perhaps it’s at home. You’re trying to do more with less because of budget cuts but are frustrated that the quality is dropping. Or you’re feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by all the tasks on your plate when there just aren’t enough hours in the day.

The thing is, leaders today are expected to do MORE with LESS – not only for themselves but also for their staff members – without any additional resources or support from their organization! Leaders are in a tough spot. The world is changing faster than ever before, and the tools they need to succeed are evolving at an equally rapid pace.

This blog post will explore what has changed about leading today and how we can adjust and make a real difference in this world. Something happened in March 2000 that changed our lives forever and ushered in Culture Shock.

Leaders today are expected to do MORE with LESS – not only for themselves but also for their staff members – without any additional resources or support from their organization.

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Culture Shock

Culture Shock happens when we experience cultural differences in a way that confuses, frustrates, and even frightens us. In culture shock, culture change seems too fast for our culture-adjustment capabilities.

Culture Shock happens when we experience cultural differences in a way that confuses, frustrates, and even frightens us.

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The Four Stages of Culture Shock

Church culture, post-pandemic, can be hard to adjust to, especially if it’s completely different from what you’re used to. There are four stages of culture shock, and the church is not exempt. They are 1) The Honeymoon Phase, 2) The Frustration Phase, 3) The Readjustment Phase, and 4) The Acceptance Phase.

Stage 1: The Honeymoon Phase

The Honeymoon Phase stage usually lasts for about 3 months, but it can be shorter or longer depending on your situation. During The Honeymoon Phase, culture shock is still low, and you are enjoying your culture change. This stage usually lasts for about 3 months or so, but it can be shorter or longer depending on your situation. During the honeymoon phase, you’re excited to explore new things and experience new technology like live streaming, Zoom, social media, and learn the latest industry trends. You might find yourself getting too tired at night because you’ve been doing so much during the day to understand this new culture.

During The Honeymoon Phase, culture shock is still low, and you are enjoying your culture change.

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Stage 2: The Frustration Phase

The second stage of culture shock is called the frustration phase. This typically takes place between 4-6 months after arriving in a culture different from one’s own (though this timeframe may vary). You might start getting more emotionally upset about culture-related things as well as starting culture-related fights with colleagues, friends, and family as you’re trying to figure out how everything works. Culture shock is more significant now, and you are resisting the culture change that surrounds you. You might not understand why you must lead differently than before.

Stage 3: The Readjustment Phase

The third culture shock sensation is the readjustment phase, usually around the 3-6 month mark. By now, you might feel like you’re never going to be able to fit in with anyone or anything, and you’ve probably hit a culture-related low point. You’ll start getting really upset about leadership-related issues that used not to bother you at all. You’ll probably feel worse about leadership-related activities than you did before arriving in your new culture. You do not like the culture change and long to return to what’s familiar and worked. You’ve grown weary of Zooming, streaming, and all things online, or even hate it because culture shock is so hard on the mind, body, and soul.

During the Readjustment Phase, leaders do not like the culture change and long to return to what’s familiar and worked.

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Stage 4: The Acceptance Phase

The last stage of culture shock is the adjustment phase, and it’s typically reached after 6 months (though again, the timeframe may vary depending on the culture). The Adjustment Phase occurs when culture shock comes to an end; you’ve adjusted into your new culture, and culture-related things (mostly technologically related) don’t bother you anymore. Leaders feel they understand how everything works and that they fit in; culture shock is gone at this point.

The Adjustment Phase occurs when culture shock comes to an end; you’ve adjusted into your new culture, and culture-related things (mostly technologically related) don’t bother you anymore.

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Where Do We Go From Here?

Culture shock is a response to cultural differences. It’s happening today as leaders navigate cultural changes brought on by this pandemic. Some leaders cannot keep up with the culture change and are thrown us off balance. Some leaders refuse to change, and culture shock turns into culture shock resistance.

Culture shock doesn’t have to control your leadership journey. With the right attitude and culture-related tools, church leaders can keep culture shock from controlling them or their church culture.

Many church leaders have culture shock resistance which makes being a church leader in today’s culture extremely challenging. Church leaders need to understand that culture is never going back to how it was in the past. Church culture needs to adjust, mature, and grow into this culture change if church culture survives.

Leaders need to understand that culture shock only becomes culture shock resistance when the leader resists culture change and culture-related difficulties. Culture change doesn’t happen overnight, but culture shock can. If leaders want to lead effectively in culture today, they must become culture savvy and culture prepared.

As a leaders, were you prepared for the changes that the pandemic brought to our culture? I’d love to hear your response.

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Does Experience Make You Wise?

by Clarence E. Stowers | Dec 5, 2018 | Empowerment

The Power of Evaluated Experience

Hey, what’s up, everyone?

I want to take the opportunity to share from my experiences in leading people.

I’ve been in the game a long time. 20+ years pastoring, 30+ years in various leadership positions, so I know enough, I believe, to kind of help someone because I’ve made a few mistakes.

We hear the word wisdom tossed around a lot because people think just because I have experience means that I have wisdom, and that’s not necessarily true because the only way you get experience is by making a lot of bad decisions. Experience is not necessarily the end goal to wisdom. It’s evaluated experience that makes you wise.

Think about that. “Evaluated experience is what makes you wise”, according to Andy Stanley. Why? If you never take time to evaluate the bad decision, then how can you take that knowledge into tomorrow?

So by me being able to evaluate the bad decision sets me up to make even greater decisions, and my prayer is that we find or rather help people look at the bad decision, evaluate it in its entirety, and then use that evaluation to springboard them into making better decisions.

Now, here’s the thing. Why am I sharing this? I’m sharing this because any time you endeavor to become a leader, any time you make a decision to own your own business, a decision to lead others down the path of greatness, think about this.

You’re going to have to make some tough calls, and if you haven’t had enough evaluated experience, then you’re going to continue to repeat the history. Think about it. If you don’t have enough evaluated experience, you’ll continue to repeat history. And that’s why yesterday looks the same as today.

So go out there, make some decisions. Make evaluations, and then come back and evaluate that decision so that you can set yourself up for a better tomorrow.

“Evaluated experience is what makes you wise”, according to Andy Stanley.

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5 Changes You Can Make to Live a Safer Life

by Clarence Stowers | Jan 16, 2018 | Personal, Current Affairs, Decisions, Empowerment, Goals, Self-Leadership, Success

All of us want the security of having a safe environment not just for us, but for our families as well.

In today’s post, we’re going to be breaking down five ways that are going to ensure you provide a safer life for you and those around you.

1. Befriend Those You Want to Be Like

As Jim Rohn famously said, “You’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with.” This is particularly true when you want to live a certain lifestyle. If you associate with the wrong types of people, they’ll rub off on you. Those people don’t have to be alcoholics and drug abusers. Let’s say you have a friend who arrives perpetually late to things. The more time you spend with that person, the higher the odds that you will start arriving late to things. If you want to be safe, surround yourself with like-minded people.

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2. Avoid Alcohol

Alcohol can be dangerous for the user and their family. In fact, alcohol can often end up separating the family more often than bringing them together. As far as safety is concerned, alcohol can impair judgment and responsibility, increasing your chances of making a stupid decision that you’ll regret in the future. In the end, it’s best for you and your family if you just leave alcohol alone.

3. Invest in a Home Security System

This is definitely a significant step! A home security system ensures around-the-clock safety for you and your family. It allows you to know if any burglar is breaking into and entering your home, posing a threat to you and your loved ones. By installing this, an alarm monitoring company will be monitoring your house even when you’re not home. According to ADT, you can even monitor your security from a smartphone or tablet. Overall, your family and your home will have maximum protection from intruders.

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4. Schedule Regular Check-Ups with Your Doctor

Regular check-ups to the doctor ensure that you are personally safe from any diseases or illnesses. Also, bring your family too if possible. This guarantees everyone is healthy, which results in a safer and happier household.

5. Invest in Yourself

Further education is always a good idea, especially when it comes to living a safe life. Find out further ways to provide safety and security for your family whether it be finances, relationships, health, happiness, etc.

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By focusing on the above five steps, you can guarantee that you and your family live a pretty safe life.

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