3 Types of Friends You’ll Have as a Leader

“How do I know who is a friend and who isn’t?” asks the leader. It’s like Charlie Brown trying to find out if Lucy will hold the football for him again. Sometimes you’re sure that person is your best friend, but then they go and do something that makes you question their loyalty. Whatever the case may be, every leader has three types of friends: Positional Friends, Transactional friends, and Real Friends.

Positional Friends

Most leaders’ friends are positional because it’s easy to be friends with people in high positions. The leader doesn’t have to do anything except hold a position of authority for people to want to be around them. Additionally, when positional friends surround the leader, they can quickly get information and access things they need.

Most leaders’ friends are positional. This means that they are friends because of their position or social status. For example, if I’m the President of the United States, then the Prime Minister of Canada might want to be my friend because I have power and can make decisions that affect him.

Additionally, people want to be close to the leader to increase their position. They might like to be considered for a promotion or have more power. They might wish the leader to pull strings and increase their access or ability to move forward somehow.

More often than not, these people are trying to get close to you for their gain. They might be looking for some form of recognition, reward, or promotion. Or they might be looking for something else altogether. There’s no guarantee whether they will be there when you need them the most, and it’s good practice to know where your true friends lie. When you’re a leader, positional friends are the ones you’ll find yourself surrounded with most often.

While it might be comfortable and convenient to have positional friends, it’s important to remember that these people aren’t always there for you. They are only looking out for themselves and their interests. In addition to having positional friends, a significant number of leaders’ friends is transactional.

Transactional Friends

The second group of people who want to be close to you is transactional. These people will give friendship in exchange for something that increases their status, like increased power or access. They’re your biggest fans and say nice things about you in public and to others when they’re not around.

Transactional friends usually want to get close to the leader in exchange for something that benefits them. Maybe they want access to power or resources that they wouldn’t typically have.

They want to be seen as close to the leader and might even try to get pictures or post about how great it is to be friends with you on social media. But, when the transaction is over, and they don’t need anything from you anymore, they’ll move on. They won’t be there for you when the chips are down.

Furthermore, these are the people that only know you when you’re in a position of power, and they’re looking for their success. They might want to be in your inner circle because it increases their status, but if you get fired or demoted, they’ll move on to someone else who’s close to the top.

As a leader, it’s essential to be aware of these people and what they’re looking for. In addition to positional and transactional friends, few leaders have relational friends.

Real Friends

The final group of a leader’s friends is relational. These friends will be there for you even if your leadership role ends. They’re mature enough to understand that leadership doesn’t end with one person; it’s part of a more extensive process, and they’ll stick around to see what happens next. These friends are relational, meaning they care about the leader for who they are, not just for the position they hold.

It might be hard to differentiate between your transactional and real friends. They both say nice things, they’re both there for you in some ways, and they might even do similar things.

But real friends will be by your side no matter the outcome on the job or a project. If it succeeds, they’ll celebrate with you. If it fails, they’ll be the ones to help you pick yourself up and dust yourself off. They’re the ones who are there for the long haul. A leader’s true friends are those who are there for them no matter what the outcome is.

It can be challenging to tell the difference between transactional and real friends, but there are some key distinctions. Transactional friends will be there for you as long as you’re able to give them something in return. They might celebrate your successes, but they’ll also be there to pick you up when you fail. On the other hand real friends, will be there for you no matter what the outcome is. They’re not looking for anything in return; they want to be friends.

Discern Who Truly Cares About You

Knowing who truly cares about your success is an integral part of being a leader. Don’t be afraid to cut off the transactional and positional friends in your life – it’s not worth it to have them around if they’re not going to be there for you when you need them the most. And, remember, just because someone is a relational friend doesn’t mean that they’re perfect. There will be times when they say the wrong things or make decisions that don’t align with your goals.

But, in the end, relational friends are worth their weight in gold. Loyalty is hard to find these days and an invaluable trait for anyone who wants to succeed. So, choose your friends wisely and stay loyal to them through thick and thin.

As a leader, it is hard to know your true friends. Most leaders’ friends are positional or transactional because they want something in return for being there for you when you need them the most. Your relational friend will be loyal no matter the outcome on the job or project and won’t leave just because of one failure.

It’s difficult to tell whether someone is more transaction-oriented than relationship-oriented. Choose wisely when choosing friends and stay loyal through thick and thin!