Have you ever noticed how circular life really is? We start not knowing anything, and enjoy it immensely (childhood). Eventually we think we know everything, but everyone else still thinks we don’t know anything; this causes a lot of frustration (adolescence, end of childhood). At last we realize…no, we don’t know everything, in fact we still hardly know anything; again, we seem to enjoy this stage, in many cases a bit too much (college and professional life, the in-between to adulthood).
The legal age for adulthood is eighteen for women and twenty-one for men (never understood that). However, we all know many enter adult well before AND after the legal age. So, when did it occur for you? When did you discover you were “good and grown?”
I discovered I was good and grown (an adult) when:
- I Married Shauntai. I realized that I was an adult when I got hitched. Marriage is not about molding a person into the way you want them to be. God uniquely shaped each person to be what He desires them to be. Also, marriage is not about falling in love…it’s about sacrifice, mutual submission, and working hard to STAY in love. I knew I was an adult when I had to decide that I love someone and stick with that person for better or worse…
- I Had Children. Children have a very simple view of life. They think each conflict can be solved completely, because there are only the “good guys” and the “bad guys.” You realize you’re an adult when you understand for the first time that each decision cannot be split-up into black and white areas – into the “good guys” and the “bad guys.” Only when you realize there is no single right answer, you join the real life (adulthood).
- I Bought My Own Home. I realized I was an adult when I purchased my first home WITHOUT my parents help. My first home was purchased with the help of my parents and I love them dearly for helping. It was a great start and helped us build equity quickly. Shauntai and I loved that little 2-bedroom home and it served us well while we were there. In 2000, we moved to our current home and purchased it without the help of our parents. Our house is more than a mere house; it’s OUR HOME. It’s true: You have more respect for items you sacrifice to pay for yourself.
- I Made The Bills – I Had To Pay The Bills. I realized I was an adult was when I received my 1st utility bill. I asked myself: “Do I really have to pay this & why is it so high? I use to believe my father was being somewhat anal when he would fuss and turn lights off. He would say, “you may not understand now, but when you have to pay the bills, you’ll turn off lights as well.” Boy, was he right!
- My Money Ran Out Before The Month Ended. I realized that I was an adult the day I ran out of money and that I couldn’t count on my parents to send me money all the time. The day that I wanted something and couldn’t have it because I didn’t have the money to afford it was the day I realized I was an adult. I realized I HAD to get a job because I need to earn my living. I realized I was an adult the day that I ran out of food and didn’t know what to do because I didn’t have a job, and I didn’t have any money and I didn’t know who to turn to.
I could go on and on but I’m anxious to hear from you. When did you finally realize that you were an adult…that you were good and grown? Let’s talk!
-When my daddy cut me off and I realized that I was truly responsible for all of my own bills. Never knew how important allowance was and saving until then…..
-When i learned that credit cards really aren't as good as your credit limit that they allow
-When student loans sent me my first repayment schedule
Hey Kenyata,
Thanks for taking time to read and respond to today's post. Knowing your Daddy, I know it you had to make a MAJOR ADJUSTMENT when you became responsible for your own bills. I believe lessons like this make us better and stronger as adults. Thanks for sharing!
Whew – I still don't think I'm grown. I've got so much more to learn about life and living. I'm just trying to navigate life and get it right. i'm JUST at a point where I think I'm treading water okay without drowning. I've got a LONG way to go before I'm really grown. Don't get me wrong, both my personal and business expenses remind me every month that I have responsibility, but in terms of being grown – I think I'll give it another 4 or 5 years.
My Daddy says, "You're grown when you're gone…out my house and out my pocket." Right now I'm still in both. But I don't feel any less grown than I did at age 24. I realized I was grown when:
– I had to do open enrollment for my health care.
– I had to file taxes.
– I paid off all my credit card bills and made a conscious effort not to use them.
– When I started independently learning and growing from past decisions.
Man i could go on…
LOL…
Thanks for sharing and it appears the next generation will need a lot of help from their parents to get a good start in life because normal is broken. Our current reality suggests that going to college, graduating, and landing a job will promote stability is quickly fading. Why? That path worked when times were normal, stable, and predictable. The latest economic downturn created new rules which really aren't new, but, a throwback from The Great Depression. I've encouraged all who want to thrive in our new normal to study how their great-grandparents/grandparents survived and thrived during & after the Great Depression. The same rules they adhered to are the same rules needed today.