You guessed it – It’s PARENTING!!!
I’ve been thinking alot about parenting lately. Maybe it is because we have three kids at home, ages 6, 11, and 13. I think everyone would admit that there is a point in a teen’s life
when the influence of his/her parents becomes less, and the influence
of their friends becomes greater. It seems that the age at which the parents’ influence drops dramatically happens somewhere around 13- to 15-years old.
As I reflected on my life as a child, the influence I perceive that
I have with my own kids, and my informal survey, I charted it like
this…
As a parent, the awareness of loss of influence can be alarming if
you didn’t see it coming. So be warned young parents, I have just given
you a glimpse of the future.
Here is the key learning: Environments matter. Who
my daughter is influenced by as a 15-year old is dependent greatly on
the environments that my wife and I placed her in as a 10- and 12- and
14-year old.
It’s a little early to tell whether we will survive life with
teenagers, but here is the advice I would give parents of pre-teens…
- Get involved in a great church with strong youth leaders.
- As they start middle school, don’t give them the option to stay home from the youth program.
- Find a school that has strong values and where
there is good chance they will be able to find solid friends. That
might mean paying for private school or moving to a better school
district. - Get them in situations where they are hanging with young adults who are following God.
- Teach them the joy of serving when they are very young.
- Let them participate in events where there is a good chance they might take a step spiritually.
Oh, and one last word of advice for those with teenagers—stop
lecturing and start listening. Stop giving direction and start asking
questions.
It’s your turn now…is my chart way off?
Parenting is the most difficult job in the world to me but it is also the most rewarding.
We have two girls ages 17 and 11 and there are challenges with both stages. Girls change around 6th grade, well at least ours did. They no longer want to be as affectionate in front of their friends and it’s not cool to be holding hands with mom or dad.
I think it was around high school that our oldest who used to be daddy’s girl, was no longer. She still has/had a great relationship with dad but all that hugging and kissing was out the door.
It is crucial to get into your childs world. Don’t expect them to come home and tell you everything that’s going on, you have to ask them and keep on until you pull information out of them.
Get to know their friends and have them over to your house instead of always letting them go over to other peoples house. You don’t know what kind of environment you may be sending them into but you know and are in control with what goes on in your house.
Listen to the music they listen to and watch what they’re watching so that you know what they’re exposing themselves to and then use that as a tool for teaching.
Another important rule is to trust them and give them some freedom (based on their age) and allow them to fall. I don’t care how much you instill in them, how many church ministries they’re involved in and so on, they are going to make bad decisions. Make sure you have consequences in place and be consistent and true to your word. So many parents protect their children to the point that it cripples them and when it’s time for them to leave home, they won’t be prepared to.
No matter how trying it is to be a parent I’m thankful that God allowed us to raise two of his most precious angels!
Thank you for the advice on dealing with pre-teens. My son is only 3 but I understand that the early influence of church and positive environments has a huge impact on a child. I will share this with my friends that have pre-teens. I really like the part about stop giving direction and start asking questions.