by Clarence E. Stowers | Jun 26, 2019 | Decisions, Empowerment, Encouragement, Goals, Self-Leadership, Success
Welcome to the final installment of "Lessons You Wished You Learned Earlier In Life". If you haven't already, you can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.
Someone once said, "everything that happens in life happens for a reason and lasts a season". I believe that to be true. Looking back, I've learned something from every stage in my life. In fact, life taught me much needed lessons I couldn't have learn elsewhere, while teaching me the power of reflection.
As I age, I'm reflecting more. "Reflection is the most important part of the learning process, and whatever is not reflected is usually not learned and retained", according to Rybo Chen. The only way for us to grow and improve is to take a good look at what’s working and what’s not for us.
So therefore, let's continue the countdown with the third lesson, most people you meet in life are selfish.
Reflection is the most important part of the learning process, and whatever is not reflected is usually not learned and retained. -Rybo Chen
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“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”
Why Is The World So Selfish?
Greed is a hard emotion to check. Did you catch that? If you did, then you know why most of the world is selfish.
Why is this world so selfish? Why do some rich and connected people cheat to get their kids into prestigious colleges and universities? Why, in the United States, are there are wider disparities of wealth between rich and poor than any time in history? I'll tell you why, people are inherently selfish.
As a whole, we have all become self-centered. Most of us hardly ever think of others anymore. It has become second nature to think of only ourselves. Unfortunately, most people think the world revolves around them and what makes them happy.
Yes, there are genuinely generous people, but they are very rare. Most of the people that you meet in your life will only care about themselves. and that's just the way that it is.
I can hear you saying, "wait, I know some people are good in the world" and I agree with you. Yes, some people are, but, as a whole, the majority of people that you're going to meet in life are mainly concerned with themselves. So be aware of that and understand the world is not all butterflies and sunshine.
I love to hear your feedback. Do you agree or disagree that most of the world is selfish?
Why is the world so selfish? Because greed is a hard emotion to check.
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“Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion.”
by Clarence E. Stowers | Jun 21, 2019 | Empowerment, Accountability, Decisions, Encouragement, Goals, Leadership, Motivation, Quotes, Self-Leadership, Success
Have you ever heard that "Hindsight is 20/20"?
"It's easy to know the right thing to do after something has happened, but it's hard to predict the future".
Like many, I've made many mistakes in life, but I've also learned from those mistakes. If only I would've listened, I could've avoided unnecessary setbacks. I would do some things differently if I could go back. Hindsight is 20/20.
If you're a teenager, in your early 20s, 30s, or 40s, or if you're just young at heart, I promise you will want to read this 3-part series, and can save yourself from the mistakes that most people make and regret for the rest of their lives. If you haven't read Part 1, you can read it here.
Let's continue the countdown with the sixth lesson, every action has consequences.
6. Every Action Has Consequences
As I age, I'm discovering how wise my father was. As a kid, he would remind me that every action/decision has intended and unintended consequences. Intended consequences are the outcomes we directly see as a result of our actions. But, unintended consequences are the outcomes we do not directly see. They are delayed consequences.
What's The Point?
Just because you don't immediately see the consequences (mostly unintended) of your actions doesn't mean they're not happening. You can't see wind either. You can, however, see the consequences of the wind.
There are intended and unintended consequences for all of our decisions. Sometimes they take years to realize. Let's continue with the countdown with the fifth lesson, time is a nonrenewable resource.
Just because you don't immediately see the consequences of your actions doesn't mean they're not happening.
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"Nobody ever did, or ever will, escape the consequences of his choices."
Alfred A. Montapert
5. Time is a Nonrenewable Resource
"A nonrenewable resource is a resource of economic value that cannot be readily replaced by natural means on a level equal to its consumption. Most fossil fuels, such as oil, natural gas and coal are considered nonrenewable resources", according to Investopedia.
Like the aforementioned, time is a nonrenewable resource. It cannot be readily replaced by natural means. What does that mean? You only have RIGHT NOW!
You only have right now. Whatever you're doing this second, you'll never get that second back. So, you want to make sure that you capitalize on all of the time that you do have and make sure you realize that being alive and healthy is a gift.
Moreover, you want to take advantage of that and live life to your truest potential. Why? You're never going to get the time back that you you know are experiencing right now.
Remember to do more of whatever makes you happy. Why? Eventually, we're all going to run out of time, and that's just the truth of the matter.
Let's conclude today's post with the countdown with the fourth lesson, everything is temporary.
Time is a nonrenewable resource. It cannot be readily replaced by natural means.
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"Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life."
Steve Jobs
4. Everything is Temporary
Everything is temporary and comes to an end. Wow, that's pretty dark, huh?
This lesson isn't meant to be dark, it's meant to wake you up! I don't want to sound fatalistic, but, everything comes to an end. I had lots of friends in high school and college. But, today, other than Facebook, I barely see or talk to them anymore.
I'm not mad at anyone and hopefully, no one's mad at me. People move on with their lives. They get married, move to different places, and it becomes difficult to stay in contact with them. So, be aware of the fact that things change and that everything is temporary.
Embrace people in the moment. Don't take the relationships you have today for granted. Love the people around you while enjoying their presence. Be happy that you have that time with them now!
Why? Because everything is temporary and all good things come to an end! Take advantage of now and live in the present moment.
I trust you found value in today's post and I'd love to hear your feedback on what lessons you've learned.
Everything is temporary and comes to an end.
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“The only permanent thing in this life is that everything is temporary.”
Author Unknown
by Clarence E. Stowers | Jun 19, 2019 | Empowerment, Accountability, Decisions, Encouragement, Excellence, Goals, Motivation, Quotes, Self-Leadership, Success, Vision
In 2005, Steve Jobs, founder of Apple Computer gave the Commencement Speech at Stanford University. Hidden in that speech is a powerful quote that resonates.
He said, “You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life”.
The idea behind this quote is that, as much as we try to plan our lives ahead in advance, there’s always something that’s completely unpredictable about life that teaches needed lessons. Unfortunately, people wait too long before learning those needed lessons. In today’s post, I’m sharing three of the nine lessons that people learn too late in life.
If you're a teenager, in your early 20s, 30s, or 40s, or if you're just young at heart, I promise you will want to read this 3-part series, and can save yourself from the mistakes that most people make and regret for the rest of their lives. Let's begin the countdown with the ninth lesson, people will criticize you.
“You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future..."
9. People Will Criticize Me, So What?
Regardless of who you are, someone will criticize you. The fear of criticism kills momentum and gets in the way of creating the life that you want. If you're afraid what other people say and think about you, you might as well stay inside and give up now.
Remember this: The more successful you become, the more haters you’ll attract. It’s like that, and that’s the way it is. So, you have to decide who do you want to be. Do you want to live and become your friend, your parents, or somebody else?
Or, do you want to live and create your own life? Remember, don't be afraid of criticism, do the things that you want to do, and live the life that you want to live. Let's continue with the countdown with the eighth lesson, you are responsible for your own happiness.
Remember this: The more successful you become, the more haters you’ll attract.
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8. I Am Responsible For Creating My Own Happiness
Guess what? Happiness is your choice. Unfortunately, a lot of people think that happiness is something that some people have and some don't. But, the truth is, happiness is YOUR choice.
Here are two important truths I’ve discovered about happiness:
- Happiness is not an easy choice.
- It takes a daily work to be happy.
What does progress have to do with happiness? Happiness comes from making progress. If you're making progress towards your goals, you're going to experience happiness. Unfortunately, many people don't learn this until too late in life. Additionally, they may complain about getting the short end of the stick and choose to remain unhappy.
If you want to experience happiness, you have to take consistent daily action towards choosing happiness. Let's conclude today's countdown with the seventh lesson, be yourself.
Happiness comes from making progress. If you're making progress towards your goals, you're going to experience happiness.
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“Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that.”
7. Be You - Do You
I once heard someone say, “why be a cheap copy when you can be a great original”?
Unfortunately, too many people wait too long to learn this valuable lesson. If you don’t have a firm grip on who you are, you’ll be tempted to borrow and live someone else’s life.
Furthermore, many people (parents, friends, associates, colleagues, etc.) have opinions on who you should be. In fact, they’re willing to offer their unsolicited advice. The sooner you're your own person, the sooner that you're happy with that person. Take Oscar Wilde's advice, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken".
I trust you found value in today's post and I'd love to hear your feedback on what lessons you've learned.
”You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them."
by Clarence E. Stowers | Jun 10, 2019 | Empowerment
Someone once said, “if you want to change your actions, you must change the way you think. Why? Thoughts determine feelings and feelings determine actions”. That’s when I discovered Mel Robbins’ book, The 5 Second Rule.
So, Who is Mel Robbins?
Mel Robbins is one of the most prominent self help speakers and authors in the world today and an inspiration for millions with her body of work, most centered around one rule, the 5 second rule, which will be the focus of today’s post.
Prior to gaining fame she’s actually had a lot of challenges to overcome and lead a life that many can actually relate to.
She actually graduated in Law and was a criminal defense attorney, enjoying her job. That was before she had to find a new job after having moved to a new city. Unfortunately, her job, while still in the same field, left her miserable and she struggled with the day to day.
Her family was struggling for finances and she struggled with postpartum depression after having her child. While at home, adamant she didn’t want to return to the job she hated, she struggled with her depression, her marriage was collapsing around her and she struggled to be productive day to day.
It was in her darkest moment that the solution came to her, an idea so simple she initially dismissed it as stupid, but decided there was no harm trying anyway. Surprisingly, it worked. So she thought she’d try it again and again, the same positive result.
She kept doing it and from there, the 5 second rule was born. So what is the 5 second rule?
The 5 Second Rule
The general principle behind the rule is that you have roughly a 5 second period to perform an action before your mind will pull you out of it and stop you. The reason the mind stops you is because it naturally makes us take action for survival and comfort as a self defense mechanism.
If you’re having to think about an action, it means that action usually has some risk associated to it that could result in you feeling a sense of pain. Our brain is wired to avoid pain and so as we hesitate, it’s building up reasons in your mind as to why you shouldn’t take action.
Usually, most of us will then stop ourselves taking action we know that could benefit us due to this response. And that’s precisely to the point of the 5 second rule, it’s to override the doubts and fears we have and to take actions we know could be of benefit to us quickly.
How do You Apply The 5 Second rule?
So how do you apply the 5 second rule? It’s a simple two step process:
- The first thing to do is to acknowledge that you’re stressed. Don’t analyze or dissect it, but just accept that what you’re dealing with is not a fault, defect, or inability in you, but a reaction to stress and it’s driving your decisions. That takes a bit of the pressure off and enables your prefrontal cortex to play a role in the next decision.
- Make a 5-second decision that is directly contrary to the stress response. You do this by counting backwards from 5, like a rocket launch, and by 0 you need to push yourself to take action.
The 5 second rule is simple, and it has to be as if it isn’t then we’ll overthink the rule and still fail to take action.
The 5 second rule is about seizing opportunities in the day. The average person has a huge number of opportunities that come their way daily to get little wins and instead of taking them they let them float by. The 5 second rule is about acting to take the opportunities, not to wait for them to land in your lap.
So, What’s The Point?
Remember, The 5 Second Rule is a method to push you to do what you know you should but often fail to act on. So use the 5 second rule and seize the opportunities you have in life!Enter your text here.
How do you plan to use the 5 Second Rule?
by Clarence E. Stowers | Dec 25, 2018 | Empowerment, Christmas, Encouragement, Success
Merry Christmas!
Sometimes the holidays only seem to remind us of what we have lost. But you will never lose the love and caring of those who know you and want the best for you.
Warmest wishes at Christmas and always,
Clarence E. Stowers, Jr.
by Clarence E. Stowers | Dec 12, 2018 | Empowerment, Decisions, Encouragement, Leadership, Self-Leadership, Success
Have you ever said things like this to yourself:
- “Does everything happen for reason”?
- “Every season has a reason”
- “Trust the process”
- “It just wasn’t meant to be”.
- “Even though I don’t understand everything now, everything happens for reason”.
Isn’t it amazing, but as we age in life, we have this insatiable desire to make sense out of the random things that happen in life?
We want our lives to be like the perfect jigsaw puzzle. A place where everything fits neatly and we can step back and understand how it all works together.
Everyone wants life to make sense.
Every time we experience an event, like a puzzle piece, we know exactly where it goes. Wouldn’t that be great? All of this is fine and dandy until we hit the big bumps in life and the only question we can ask is why? We want to know where do these pieces fit in life’s puzzle… random puzzle pieces like divorce, financial struggles, medical challenges, and friends stabbing you in the back.
We want to believe this wasn’t in the plan and say to ourselves, “I don’t know where this piece of the puzzle fits… It’s random. As a matter fact God, I don’t even like this piece, it’s the wrong color, and it doesn’t go or fit my puzzle.”
When people are going through a difficult season, let’s stop saying: “Well, that’s just how life goes. That’s life. Stuff happens”. It’s in all of us to want to help people make sense out of life’s random puzzle pieces. It’s in us… It’s human nature.
Randomness Draws Us To Jesus
For most of us, this is how we came to know Jesus. We looked at the picture on the box of the puzzle of how our life is supposed to be, and it looks nothing like the picture on the box. We found the edges color matched each piece, and when we received a random piece that didn’t look like a puzzle, it didn’t make sense. It eventually drew us to God.
That’s the beauty of following God. We don’t know with everything fits. We don’t know what he’s up to, so we exercise our faith. That’s what the Christmas story is all about. Got dipping down into humanity and making sense of all of the random puzzle pieces in the life of Mary and Joseph.
The Christmas Story Seems Random
The events of the Christmas story seem kind of random: a decree from Caesar, an engaged virgin, an angelic announcement, wise men giving gifts, and no room at the inn, This doesn’t sound like the story we’d write if we were God. Like Mary and Joseph, some of the circumstances we may be dealing with this year isn’t exactly what we’d write for our own stories either.
Something to Remember
“In the face of life’s seeming randomness, we can take comfort in the fact that God is active in the world. The Christmas story confirms that he is at work in the midst of darkness. As Christmas approaches, remind yourself that nothing just happens and life’s random puzzle pieces are a part of a bigger story”, according to Andy Stanley.
