Should I Follow My Head or My Heart: 5 Questions to Ask Before Making Decisions

by Clarence E. Stowers | Dec 14, 2021 | Decisions, Empowerment, Encouragement, Motivation, Self-Leadership

Should I Follow My Head or My Heart: 5 Questions to Ask Before Making Decisions

I fondly remember my children agonizing over which college they would attend. We created spreadsheets, lists of pros and cons, prayed, and even burned candles while wearing sackcloth and ashes (just kidding).

Let’s face it; making significant decisions is not easy. It’s exhausting.

For those struggling with making decisions, how do you know when you’re listening to your heart or you’re listening to your head?

Let’s face it; decisions are emotionally painful.

The word decision is of Latin origin. It means to cut away from the past.

If you’re married, it means cutting away from being single.

If you have made people (children), it means cutting away sleeping.

If you are a business owner, it means cutting away from security.

That’s why most decisions are painful.

To make a decision, we have to confront our fears and doubts head-on. When making decisions, we often think in black and white terms: right or wrong, good or bad. But the truth is, most decisions are neither right nor wrong. They’re simply choices. And the more critical the choice, the more difficult it is to make.What happens when the battle within you is between what your heart believes and your brain dictates and what your inner wisdom tells you? So this is a question about whether you make decisions with your heart or head, and how do you know?

Before the pandemic, I made the majority of my decisions with my head. I logically weighed pros and cons, considered others’ opinions, and made choices that I thought were wise. I now realize that this habit caused me to miss out on joy and happiness.

For example, before the pandemic, I would have never considered taking a spontaneous trip with my family or friends. I would have thought about all potential risks and what could go wrong. Now, I know that those types of trips bring me a lot of happiness, and I’m more likely to take them because my heart is telling me that the risks are worth it.

Why? Time is a non-renewable resource. Once lost, it’s lost forever.

When you make decisions with your head, you’re usually trying to avoid pain or gain something. You want to be safe, and you want what you believe is the best outcome. However, when you make decisions with your heart, you often look for something different. Something that might be a little risky, but that has the potential to make you happier.

Today, I trust my instincts and emotions more than my intellect.

You can analyze the fine print and contracts using your head. But when it comes to making a decision, look inwardly and check it against your heart and soul.

So, how do you do that?

According to Mel Robbins, here are five questions to ask when making decisions.

5 Questions to Ask When Making Decisions

Is the decision you’re about to make help you develop your future or expand your life’s possibilities? If it’s a yes, then no matter how terrible it seems, the decision is a yes.
Will this decision restrict, inhibit, or silence you? If so, the answer is no. No matter how easy the decision is, no matter how safe that decision is. The answer is no.
Will this decision expand or limit my voice?
Will this decision open the door to new possibilities or build a wall that prevents progress?
Does it raise my voice, or does it silence me?

Remember, there’s always a short-term and a long-term impact of the decision.

When making a decision, it’s essential to think about that decision’s short-term and long-term impacts. The short-term consequences are the things that happen immediately after the decision. The long-term effects are the things that happen down the road, sometimes many years after the decision is made.

It’s essential to think about both of these impacts when deciding because they can be very different. The short-term effect might be exciting or seem like a good idea at the time, but the long-term implications might be very different. It’s crucial to weigh all of the pros and cons of a decision before making it, so you can be sure that you’re making the right choice.

Do you agree or disagree?

I’d love to hear how you make decisions?

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3 Tough Truths About Leadership

by Clarence E. Stowers | Sep 6, 2021 | Empowerment, Leadership, Self-Leadership

We all want to be liked and appreciated. It's just human nature. But it doesn't always happen, does it? There are times when you're going to have to make a tough decision that people will not agree with or like.

This is the hard truth about leadership, but there are ways around this problem (which we'll cover in this post). You can still lead effectively even if not everyone agrees with you. We'll prove that being respected as a leader is most important!

Every leader must accept three complex realities, but it's difficult for some to get. Regardless of how you feel about it, the fact is that you are going to hate this news.

The first harsh truth about leadership: If you are a leader, not everyone will agree with you - or even like you.

Not Everyone Will Agree With or Like You

At some point in our lives, we all want to be accepted and appreciated. We desire for people to agree with us. Cheers are preferred to boos. It's tough being the bad guy. (Unless you're a villain.)

The unpleasant reality is that someone will disagree with your decisions if you lead anything, and you'll split people into opposing camps. There will be advocates and critics. (Keep in mind that there has never been a president of the United States, pastor, or CEO - with perfect approval ratings.)

Leading is problematic because it takes people into the unknown. Leadership challenges the status quo. It stretches people and organizations. It brings change, and change is permanently attached to an emotion.

Even when this entails sacrificing approval ratings, leaders must be prepared to lead towards the organization's goal. The only way to avoid this truth is not to lead. In addition to everyone not agreeing or liking you, leadership is also lonely.

The unpleasant reality is that someone will disagree with your decisions if you lead anything, and you'll split people into opposing camps.

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Leadership is Lonely

Great leadership has a lot in common with being lonely.

That probably seems strange and even counterintuitive when you think about leadership as a role that demands connection, collaboration, and communication. You need to lead teams and help them understand your vision so they can do their jobs better. And leadership means having the support of those around you to help push through challenges and accomplish your goals.

But leadership is also lonely. It can often feel like you carry the weight of responsibility on your shoulders. You make difficult decisions that might not go over well with everyone, and then you have to move forward, knowing things could get worse before they get better.

And when people around you don't understand what leadership means or why you make the decisions you do, that can exacerbate your feelings of loneliness.

Lonely leadership is leadership where a leader feels isolated and misunderstood by their team, feeling that they carry the weight of responsibility on their shoulders and often do not want to share this burden with others because it's not something to be proud of or something to boast about.

This leadership is mainly characterized by the leadership feeling isolated and misunderstood by their team, feeling that they carry the weight of responsibility on their shoulders.

Lonely leadership usually results in leadership becoming or feeling isolated from others which causes additional pressure for leadership because leadership feels responsible for the well-being of their team.

Lonely leadership can often lead to leadership feeling more pressure and even experiencing additional mental health issues like depression and anxiety. Leadership is an all-consuming role where they have little time for themselves.

Leadership is also lonely. It can often feel like you carry the weight of responsibility on your shoulders.

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You Don't Have to Wait For Someone to Give You Permission To Lead

I have a question for you: How do you decide what action to take when it feels like everyone else has already decided for you?

It's a common problem in business. You're on the team that's supposed to be taking care of the product, but somehow that duty and responsibility keep getting shuffled around or thrown onto your shoulders. You've tried to speak up about the issues you see and offer solutions, but no one seems to be listening.

The problem here is that leadership isn't a position; it's an action. And as leadership expert Simon Sinek explains: "leadership happens when you take the initiative." Being in leadership doesn't mean waiting for someone else to permit you before taking action.

If leadership is an action, how do you go about showing leadership when it feels like leadership doesn't exist? Here are a few key steps:

Stop waiting for someone else to take leadership first.
Be the first person to step up and take responsibility for something that isn't working.
Don't expect people to follow you until you show leadership.
Ask yourself: "What would a leader do?" Then go out and do it!
Show your leadership no matter where you are, even if leadership isn't currently recognized or appreciated. It may be more important to do so in the areas of your life where leadership is not appreciated.

It's leadership by example, and it's leadership at its finest.

When you take the initiative and act as a leader, even when leadership doesn't exist, you'll overtake leadership in other areas of your organization. People will see that leadership isn't just action when it comes to a leadership role. It's also an action in everyday situations and interactions – leadership is everywhere!

Successful leadership isn't just about leadership positions either. There are countless stories from disadvantaged people who have risen through the ranks simply by exhibiting leadership skills at work, in schools, even at home. They didn't wait for leadership positions before acting as leaders. They just went out and became leadership-like examples in their everyday lives.

Being in leadership doesn't mean waiting for someone else to permit you before taking action.

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Conclusion

There are a lot of challenges that come with being in leadership. It can be lonely, complicated, and some people won't agree or like you. You don't have to wait for someone else to give you permission before taking action, but there is no denying it's challenging work leading others from the front lines day-in and day-out.

Here's a strong statement I would offer to those who aspire to lead. And, in good faith and humility, I make this claim. It's not intended to discourage you from leading; instead, it serves to assist you in deciding whether or not you should.

If you thrive on the praise of others more than your dedication to making hard decisions and doing the correct thing for the company, I suggest you avoid becoming a leader. If you want to be popular instead of leading, try selling ice cream.

If any of this sounds familiar to you (or if you're looking for guidance), schedule your FREE 30-minute strategy call today! We'll discuss how we can help make your next big idea happen NOW so that by the time tomorrow rolls around - YOU'VE ALREADY WON!

Lessons You Wished You Learned Earlier In Life – Part 3

by Clarence E. Stowers | Jun 26, 2019 | Decisions, Empowerment, Encouragement, Goals, Self-Leadership, Success

Welcome to the final installment of "Lessons You Wished You Learned Earlier In Life". If you haven't already, you can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

Someone once said, "everything that happens in life happens for a reason and lasts a season". I believe that to be true. Looking back, I've learned something from every stage in my life. In fact, life taught me much needed lessons I couldn't have learn elsewhere, while teaching me the power of reflection.

As I age, I'm reflecting more. "Reflection is the most important part of the learning process, and whatever is not reflected is usually not learned and retained", according to Rybo Chen. The only way for us to grow and improve is to take a good look at what’s working and what’s not for us.

So therefore, let's continue the countdown with the third lesson, most people you meet in life are selfish.

Reflection is the most important part of the learning process, and whatever is not reflected is usually not learned and retained. -Rybo Chen

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“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”

Søren Kierkegaard

Why Is The World So Selfish?

Greed is a hard emotion to check. Did you catch that? If you did, then you know why most of the world is selfish.

Why is this world so selfish? Why do some rich and connected people cheat to get their kids into prestigious colleges and universities? Why, in the United States, are there are wider disparities of wealth between rich and poor than any time in history? I'll tell you why, people are inherently selfish.

As a whole, we have all become self-centered. Most of us hardly ever think of others anymore. It has become second nature to think of only ourselves. Unfortunately, most people think the world revolves around them and what makes them happy.

Yes, there are genuinely generous people, but they are very rare. Most of the people that you meet in your life will only care about themselves. and that's just the way that it is.

I can hear you saying, "wait, I know some people are good in the world" and I agree with you. Yes, some people are, but, as a whole, the majority of people that you're going to meet in life are mainly concerned with themselves. So be aware of that and understand the world is not all butterflies and sunshine.

I love to hear your feedback. Do you agree or disagree that most of the world is selfish?

Why is the world so selfish? Because greed is a hard emotion to check.

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“Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion.”

Daniel Goleman

Lessons You Wished You Learned Earlier In Life – Part 2

by Clarence E. Stowers | Jun 21, 2019 | Empowerment, Accountability, Decisions, Encouragement, Goals, Leadership, Motivation, Quotes, Self-Leadership, Success

Have you ever heard that "Hindsight is 20/20"?

"It's easy to know the right thing to do after something has happened, but it's hard to predict the future".

Like many, I've made many mistakes in life, but I've also learned from those mistakes. If only I would've listened, I could've avoided unnecessary setbacks. I would do some things differently if I could go back. Hindsight is 20/20.

If you're a teenager, in your early 20s, 30s, or 40s, or if you're just young at heart, I promise you will want to read this 3-part series, and can save yourself from the mistakes that most people make and regret for the rest of their lives. If you haven't read Part 1, you can read it here.

Let's continue the countdown with the sixth lesson, every action has consequences.

6. Every Action Has Consequences

As I age, I'm discovering how wise my father was. As a kid, he would remind me that every action/decision has intended and unintended consequences. Intended consequences are the outcomes we directly see as a result of our actions. But, unintended consequences are the outcomes we do not directly see. They are delayed consequences.

What's The Point?

Just because you don't immediately see the consequences (mostly unintended) of your actions doesn't mean they're not happening. You can't see wind either. You can, however, see the consequences of the wind.

There are intended and unintended consequences for all of our decisions. Sometimes they take years to realize. Let's continue with the countdown with the fifth lesson, time is a nonrenewable resource.

Just because you don't immediately see the consequences of your actions doesn't mean they're not happening.

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"Nobody ever did, or ever will, escape the consequences of his choices."
Alfred A. Montapert

5. Time is a Nonrenewable Resource

"A nonrenewable resource is a resource of economic value that cannot be readily replaced by natural means on a level equal to its consumption. Most fossil fuels, such as oil, natural gas and coal are considered nonrenewable resources", according to Investopedia.

Like the aforementioned, time is a nonrenewable resource. It cannot be readily replaced by natural means. What does that mean? You only have RIGHT NOW!

You only have right now. Whatever you're doing this second, you'll never get that second back. So, you want to make sure that you capitalize on all of the time that you do have and make sure you realize that being alive and healthy is a gift.

Moreover, you want to take advantage of that and live life to your truest potential. Why? You're never going to get the time back that you you know are experiencing right now.

Remember to do more of whatever makes you happy. Why? Eventually, we're all going to run out of time, and that's just the truth of the matter.

Let's conclude today's post with the countdown with the fourth lesson, everything is temporary.

Time is a nonrenewable resource. It cannot be readily replaced by natural means.

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"Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life."

Steve Jobs

4. Everything is Temporary

Everything is temporary and comes to an end. Wow, that's pretty dark, huh?

This lesson isn't meant to be dark, it's meant to wake you up! I don't want to sound fatalistic, but, everything comes to an end. I had lots of friends in high school and college. But, today, other than Facebook, I barely see or talk to them anymore.

I'm not mad at anyone and hopefully, no one's mad at me. People move on with their lives. They get married, move to different places, and it becomes difficult to stay in contact with them. So, be aware of the fact that things change and that everything is temporary.

Embrace people in the moment. Don't take the relationships you have today for granted. Love the people around you while enjoying their presence. Be happy that you have that time with them now!

Why? Because everything is temporary and all good things come to an end! Take advantage of now and live in the present moment.

I trust you found value in today's post and I'd love to hear your feedback on what lessons you've learned.

Everything is temporary and comes to an end.

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“The only permanent thing in this life is that everything is temporary.”
Author Unknown

Lessons You Wished You Learned Earlier In Life

by Clarence E. Stowers | Jun 19, 2019 | Empowerment, Accountability, Decisions, Encouragement, Excellence, Goals, Motivation, Quotes, Self-Leadership, Success, Vision

In 2005, Steve Jobs, founder of Apple Computer gave the Commencement Speech at Stanford University. Hidden in that speech is a powerful quote that resonates.

He said, “You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life”.

The idea behind this quote is that, as much as we try to plan our lives ahead in advance, there’s always something that’s completely unpredictable about life that teaches needed lessons. Unfortunately, people wait too long before learning those needed lessons. In today’s post, I’m sharing three of the nine lessons that people learn too late in life.

“You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future..."

- Steve Jobs -

9. People Will Criticize Me, So What?

Regardless of who you are, someone will criticize you. The fear of criticism kills momentum and gets in the way of creating the life that you want. If you're afraid what other people say and think about you, you might as well stay inside and give up now.

Remember this: The more successful you become, the more haters you’ll attract. It’s like that, and that’s the way it is. So, you have to decide who do you want to be. Do you want to live and become your friend, your parents, or somebody else?

Or, do you want to live and create your own life? Remember, don't be afraid of criticism, do the things that you want to do, and live the life that you want to live. Let's continue with the countdown with the eighth lesson, you are responsible for your own happiness.

Remember this: The more successful you become, the more haters you’ll attract.

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8. I Am Responsible For Creating My Own Happiness

Guess what? Happiness is your choice. Unfortunately, a lot of people think that happiness is something that some people have and some don't. But, the truth is, happiness is YOUR choice.

Here are two important truths I’ve discovered about happiness:

Happiness is not an easy choice.
It takes a daily work to be happy.

What does progress have to do with happiness? Happiness comes from making progress. If you're making progress towards your goals, you're going to experience happiness. Unfortunately, many people don't learn this until too late in life. Additionally, they may complain about getting the short end of the stick and choose to remain unhappy.

If you want to experience happiness, you have to take consistent daily action towards choosing happiness. Let's conclude today's countdown with the seventh lesson, be yourself.

Happiness comes from making progress. If you're making progress towards your goals, you're going to experience happiness.

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“Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that.”

- Stacey Charter -

7. Be You - Do You

I once heard someone say, “why be a cheap copy when you can be a great original”?

Unfortunately, too many people wait too long to learn this valuable lesson. If you don’t have a firm grip on who you are, you’ll be tempted to borrow and live someone else’s life.

Furthermore, many people (parents, friends, associates, colleagues, etc.) have opinions on who you should be. In fact, they’re willing to offer their unsolicited advice. The sooner you're your own person, the sooner that you're happy with that person. Take Oscar Wilde's advice, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken".

I trust you found value in today's post and I'd love to hear your feedback on what lessons you've learned.

”You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them."

- Maya Angelou-

Everything Happens for a Reason and Here’s Why

by Clarence E. Stowers | Dec 12, 2018 | Empowerment, Decisions, Encouragement, Leadership, Self-Leadership, Success

Have you ever said things like this to yourself:

“Does everything happen for reason”?
“Every season has a reason”
“Trust the process”
“It just wasn’t meant to be”.
“Even though I don’t understand everything now, everything happens for reason”.

Isn’t it amazing, but as we age in life, we have this insatiable desire to make sense out of the random things that happen in life?

We want our lives to be like the perfect jigsaw puzzle. A place where everything fits neatly and we can step back and understand how it all works together.

Everyone wants life to make sense.

Every time we experience an event, like a puzzle piece, we know exactly where it goes. Wouldn’t that be great? All of this is fine and dandy until we hit the big bumps in life and the only question we can ask is why? We want to know where do these pieces fit in life’s puzzle… random puzzle pieces like divorce, financial struggles, medical challenges, and friends stabbing you in the back.

We want to believe this wasn’t in the plan and say to ourselves, “I don’t know where this piece of the puzzle fits… It’s random. As a matter fact God, I don’t even like this piece, it’s the wrong color, and it doesn’t go or fit my puzzle.”

When people are going through a difficult season, let’s stop saying: “Well, that’s just how life goes. That’s life. Stuff happens”. It’s in all of us to want to help people make sense out of life’s random puzzle pieces. It’s in us… It’s human nature.

When people are going through a difficult season, let’s stop saying: well, that’s just how life goes. That’s life. Stuff happens.

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Randomness Draws Us To Jesus

For most of us, this is how we came to know Jesus. We looked at the picture on the box of the puzzle of how our life is supposed to be, and it looks nothing like the picture on the box. We found the edges color matched each piece, and when we received a random piece that didn’t look like a puzzle, it didn’t make sense. It eventually drew us to God.

That’s the beauty of following God. We don’t know with everything fits. We don’t know what he’s up to, so we exercise our faith. That’s what the Christmas story is all about. Got dipping down into humanity and making sense of all of the random puzzle pieces in the life of Mary and Joseph.

The Christmas Story Seems Random

The events of the Christmas story seem kind of random: a decree from Caesar, an engaged virgin, an angelic announcement, wise men giving gifts, and no room at the inn, This doesn’t sound like the story we’d write if we were God. Like Mary and Joseph, some of the circumstances we may be dealing with this year isn’t exactly what we’d write for our own stories either.

Something to Remember

“In the face of life’s seeming randomness, we can take comfort in the fact that God is active in the world. The Christmas story confirms that he is at work in the midst of darkness. As Christmas approaches, remind yourself that nothing just happens and life’s random puzzle pieces are a part of a bigger story”, according to Andy Stanley.

In the face of life’s seeming randomness, we can take comfort in the fact that God is active in the world.

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Should I Follow My Head or My Heart: 5 Questions to Ask Before Making Decisions