3 Types of Friends You Will Have as a Leader

3 Types of Friends You Will Have as a Leader

3 Types of Friends You Will Have as a Leader

3 Types of Friends You’ll Have as a Leader

“How do I know who is a friend and who isn’t?” asks the leader. It’s like Charlie Brown trying to find out if Lucy will hold the football for him again. Sometimes you’re sure that person is your best friend, but then they go and do something that makes you question their loyalty. Whatever the case may be, every leader has three types of friends: Positional Friends, Transactional friends, and Real Friends.

Positional Friends

Most leaders’ friends are positional because it’s easy to be friends with people in high positions. The leader doesn’t have to do anything except hold a position of authority for people to want to be around them. Additionally, when positional friends surround the leader, they can quickly get information and access things they need.

Most leaders’ friends are positional. This means that they are friends because of their position or social status. For example, if I’m the President of the United States, then the Prime Minister of Canada might want to be my friend because I have power and can make decisions that affect him.

Additionally, people want to be close to the leader to increase their position. They might like to be considered for a promotion or have more power. They might wish the leader to pull strings and increase their access or ability to move forward somehow.

More often than not, these people are trying to get close to you for their gain. They might be looking for some form of recognition, reward, or promotion. Or they might be looking for something else altogether. There’s no guarantee whether they will be there when you need them the most, and it’s good practice to know where your true friends lie. When you’re a leader, positional friends are the ones you’ll find yourself surrounded with most often.

While it might be comfortable and convenient to have positional friends, it’s important to remember that these people aren’t always there for you. They are only looking out for themselves and their interests. In addition to having positional friends, a significant number of leaders’ friends is transactional.

Transactional Friends

The second group of people who want to be close to you is transactional. These people will give friendship in exchange for something that increases their status, like increased power or access. They’re your biggest fans and say nice things about you in public and to others when they’re not around.

Transactional friends usually want to get close to the leader in exchange for something that benefits them. Maybe they want access to power or resources that they wouldn’t typically have.

They want to be seen as close to the leader and might even try to get pictures or post about how great it is to be friends with you on social media. But, when the transaction is over, and they don’t need anything from you anymore, they’ll move on. They won’t be there for you when the chips are down.

Furthermore, these are the people that only know you when you’re in a position of power, and they’re looking for their success. They might want to be in your inner circle because it increases their status, but if you get fired or demoted, they’ll move on to someone else who’s close to the top.

As a leader, it’s essential to be aware of these people and what they’re looking for. In addition to positional and transactional friends, few leaders have relational friends.

Real Friends

The final group of a leader’s friends is relational. These friends will be there for you even if your leadership role ends. They’re mature enough to understand that leadership doesn’t end with one person; it’s part of a more extensive process, and they’ll stick around to see what happens next. These friends are relational, meaning they care about the leader for who they are, not just for the position they hold.

It might be hard to differentiate between your transactional and real friends. They both say nice things, they’re both there for you in some ways, and they might even do similar things.

But real friends will be by your side no matter the outcome on the job or a project. If it succeeds, they’ll celebrate with you. If it fails, they’ll be the ones to help you pick yourself up and dust yourself off. They’re the ones who are there for the long haul. A leader’s true friends are those who are there for them no matter what the outcome is.

It can be challenging to tell the difference between transactional and real friends, but there are some key distinctions. Transactional friends will be there for you as long as you’re able to give them something in return. They might celebrate your successes, but they’ll also be there to pick you up when you fail. On the other hand real friends, will be there for you no matter what the outcome is. They’re not looking for anything in return; they want to be friends.

Discern Who Truly Cares About You

Knowing who truly cares about your success is an integral part of being a leader. Don’t be afraid to cut off the transactional and positional friends in your life – it’s not worth it to have them around if they’re not going to be there for you when you need them the most. And, remember, just because someone is a relational friend doesn’t mean that they’re perfect. There will be times when they say the wrong things or make decisions that don’t align with your goals.

But, in the end, relational friends are worth their weight in gold. Loyalty is hard to find these days and an invaluable trait for anyone who wants to succeed. So, choose your friends wisely and stay loyal to them through thick and thin.

As a leader, it is hard to know your true friends. Most leaders’ friends are positional or transactional because they want something in return for being there for you when you need them the most. Your relational friend will be loyal no matter the outcome on the job or project and won’t leave just because of one failure.

It’s difficult to tell whether someone is more transaction-oriented than relationship-oriented. Choose wisely when choosing friends and stay loyal through thick and thin!

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How The Cosby Show Changed My Life

How The Cosby Show Changed My Life

The Cosby Show was a significant part of my young adult years.

The purpose of this post is not to debate Bill Cosby's legacy of legal troubles but to share how his show changed my life. It impacted me in a way I didn't really understand until I got older and saw how it changed how we looked at African-Americans on TV.

It gave me hope for what life could be like as a Black man. As an adult, it has inspired me to create my own world with positivity and laughter. Today's post will focus on 2 ways this show changed my life:

  1. My view of myself.
  2. My view of others. 

The Cosby Changed My View of Myself

The Cosby Show was unlike anything that had come before on TV. It seemed to be ushering in a new era of multi-faceted television. In the 1990s, something changed, and shows with all-black casts were marketed towards all-black audiences. Black people have been on TV for years; however, they rarely appeared as people of education and means.

Shows like Good Times depicted black life as a struggle, even though most main characters were employed. Now we had The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, but Will Smith was ditching his hometown for ritzy West Philadelphia (he's from East Philly).

We had Martin Lawrence as an underachiever; UPN's Homeboys in Outer Space, featuring two black astronauts who happened to be brothers; we had Living Single. The show was full of characters with advanced degrees from well-to-do families, but it still wasn't the Cosby Show.

Even though they did not always do it well, this show showed life as a family. They showed how absurd families could be and also the things that happen in families. We remember this show for its funny moments and its sincere moments. When the entire family sang along with little Rudy singing Margie Hendricks's part, it became an instant classic. It made you realize that your own family is not as fun.

The Cosby Show was unlike anything that had come before on TV. It seemed to be ushering in a new era of multi-faceted television.

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The Cosby Show Changed My View of Others

The Huxtables were cool parents. They danced, sang, and laughed all over the place. But they also held a mock trial to catch Theo in a lie and flipped out when Vanessa got caught wearing makeup after being told not to.

The Huxtables didn't want to be their kids' best friends or let them get away with anything. The show was a step in the tradition of shows like Leave It To Beaver and The Brady Bunch, but it also had a lot to say about race relations.

When I first saw this show, I didn't think anything of it. After all, there were black families on TV before the Huxtables came along. But as time went on, and as I grew older and saw the good and the bad of black sitcoms and television in general, I came to appreciate Bill Cosby's show for what it was: a trailblazing insight into African-American life.

The Huxtables didn't want to be their kids' best friends or let them get away with anything. 

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The Cosby Show was different from other shows. People on The Cosby Show were friends and families. This made it so that people could relate to the show. It's hard to imagine families as different as those in Everybody Hates Chris or Black-ish without the Huxtables.

The Cosby Show was groundbreaking because it depicted upper-middle-class black families in a way that had never been seen before on television. This show is the reason why I wrote my book, "Finding Joy Despite Life's Hardships: A Guide to Overcoming Setbacks." 

By reading this blog post, I hope you will appreciate black people's rich history on TV. I also hope it inspires you to keep fighting against racism and discrimination in our communities, whether through your words or actions.

And finally, if any of these points resonate with you and make sense to you, please consider pre-ordering a copy of my book "Finding Joy Despite Life's Hardships: A Guide to Overcoming Setbacks." 

Thank you so much!

What TV shows impacted your life?

It's hard to imagine families as different as those in Everybody Hates Chris or Black-ish without the Huxtables.

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Pause, Stop, and Refresh

Pause, Stop, and Refresh

“The best leaders understand the difference between a tension you manage versus a tension you resolve,” according to Andy Stanley.


Leadership isn’t easy. Every decision you make earns the favor of some and the disfavor of others. Some are happy and others are not. Most leaders end up avoiding tense situations and allow them to grow into full blown conflicts.

Your ability to discern the difference between tensions you manage verses tensions you resolve “may determine the level of success a leader can sustain,” according to Ron Edmondson. Do yourself a favor and check out Ron Edmondson’s post, “7 everyday tensions of every leader must manage.”

  1. Displaying confidence without being arrogant.
  2. Making bold decisions while building collaboration.
  3. Showing strength while displaying compassion.
  4. Controlling energy towards a vision but allowing individuals to chart their path.
  5. Celebrating victory while not resting on current success.
  6. Learning from other leaders but being who you were uniquely wired to be.
  7. Spending time with people versus completing tasks.

As a leader, what tension do you face, and how do you manage or resolve it?

#PrayFirst | Day 6

#PrayFirst | Day 6

Welcome to Day 6 of our #PrayFirst Campaign!

For One Week, we will pray for One Minute every hour about One Topic as One Church to One God! Pray for the first 60 seconds of every hour and watch God bless the other 59 minutes! There is power when God’s people pray in unity. Join us as we answer Jesus’ prayer “May they be ONE” (John 17:21).

#PrayFirst FAMILY

If you’d like to know more about our #PrayFirst Campaign you can:

  1. Click HERE to read the overview
  2. You can read our Day One Devotional on Faith HERE
  3. You can read our Day Two Family Devotional HERE
  4. You can read our Day Three Finance Devotional HERE
  5. You can read our Day Four Facilities Devotional HERE
  6. You can read our Day Five Fulfillment Devotional HERE

#PRP – People Reaching People

At the Mars Hill Baptist Church of Chicago, our theme for 2015 is People Reaching People (#PRP). Jesus commissioned the church to continue His ministry of reconciliation to the lost; and He both modeled and taught a strategic formula that would facilitate that great endeavor. Scripture has a word for this – Evangelism (Outreach).

Evangelism (Outreach)

Evangelism is the act of telling the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ to others. It’s derived from the Greek word euangelion, meaning “gospel” or “good news.”

The verbal forms of euangelizo, meaning “to bring” or “to announce good news” occur some 55 times (Acts 8:4,25,35; 11:20) and are normally translated with the appropriate form of the word “preach.” Evangelism has to do with the proclamation of the message of good news.*

From the beginning, God has consistently focused on a specific group, as his initial target for evangelism. That is, He primarily perpetuates His Kingdom through those close relational connections that we all have, those eight to fifteen people He strategically placed around each one of us.

Throughout the New Testament, whenever God’s Spirit changed a life, a world changer was born. Whether it was a demon possessed man, a swindler named Zacchaeus, a royal official with a dying son, a tax collector named Matthew, a Centurion named Cornelius, a businesswoman named Lydia or a recently unemployed Philippian jailor, they all were sent back home to their close relational connections. Again, Scripture has a word for this – Oikos.

Mars Hill’s Outreach Strategy

Oikos, the Greek word for “extended family,” encompasses our relational worlds—anywhere from eight to fifteen people, on the average, whom God has supernaturally and strategically placed in our circles of influence. And, if those relationships frame our primary evangelistic targets, then that reality must frame the strategy for our church.

Pray for Your Circle of Influence – Family and Friends

Make a commitment to pray daily for your circle of influence – your family and friends. Write their names down and pray:

LORD, I pray that they (CALL THEIR INDIVIDUAL NAMES) would sense God’s presence in their lives and that You would draw each one to You. Lord, I offer myself to You every day as an instrument in this process. In Jesus’ name. Amen

*G. William Schweer, Holman Illustrated Bible Dictionary, ed. Chad Brand, Charles Draper, Archie England (Nashville: Holman Bible Publishers, 2003), s.v. “EVANGELISM,” WORDsearch CROSS e-book.

A Tribute To My Wife – Happy Anniversary!

A Tribute To My Wife – Happy Anniversary!

I would like to think it was easy to be married to me for 21 years but my wife’s commitment to be with me drew her into a life of many challenges. Don’t misunderstand, we’ve been blessed in many ways and we’ve had many good years together. Yet the life of a Pastor (or being married to him) is not easy. Shortly into married life, as I was still training for ministry, I became a co-pastor and we enjoyed a brief time in ministry. Then the opportunity came to transition to senior pastor in May 1999.  We are still here and Mars Hill has grown exponentially.

Marriage Pic

June 27, 1992
Jackson, Mississippi (more…)

A Tribute To My Wife – Happy Anniversary!

What I Learned From Watching ‘Scandal’

Like many, I eagerly anticipated the airing of the show Scandal. Whenever I see beautiful, African Americans who are power players in our Nation’s capital, I’m excited.  So, like millions, I was glued to the TV wondering what would happen to Hollis, will Fitz divorce his wife, and would Olivia & Edison become a permanent item.

Scandal Photo

 DISCLAIMER:

If you’re a fan of the show, you may be offended if you continue reading.

With all the strong television shows for women, I don’t know why a beautiful, African American women forsakes a relationship with an African American Senator (Edison) for a married man (President Fitz).

I know why…love makes you do crazy things & act out of character.

Before you go sucking your teeth, rolling your eyes and calling me self-righteous, hear me out. I think there is an opportunity here to encourage the writers of the show to be bold and courageous.

I am rooting for the show to succeed, but, the creators have to be fearless and let Olivia Pope not be another man’s mistress. She’s too beautiful, too strong, and too smart for that.  I say let Olivia Pope control the interactions with her lovers. Don’t allow her to be a woman of straw that bends in whatever direction her lover needs. Additionally, I’d love to see her relationship with Edison grow into a beautiful picture of a healthy/strong relationship.

Finally, If not Edison, Olivia needs a new love interest and assert her independence from Fitz.  People seem to be ignoring the fact Olivia is having an affair with a married man.  In my humble opinion, that isn’t romantic…it’s actually tragic and pathetic.

Why?

At the end of the day Olivia goes home to her apartment ALONE and single…hardly an equal relationship.

What are your thoughts about today’s post?

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