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Why It’s Frustrating Leading Today’s Church and What to Do About It

Why It’s Frustrating Leading Today’s Church and What to Do About It

by | Nov 30, 2021 | Christian, Christianity, Decisions, Empowerment, Encouragement, Leadership, Motivation

Church leaders, are you sensing something but can't quite put your finger on it? Perhaps you're feeling it's becoming harder to lead. I want to talk about how we can change a culture. To do this, we need to understand it first.

We sometimes believe we have a problem when we don't. We have a word for that, and it's called being misdiagnosed, and it's something we must avoid in our efforts to reach people. To reach the post-Covid and post-Christian West, we must first understand it thoroughly.

As you know, the world is shifting at a rapid pace. In this post, I'd like to focus on cultural changes taking place right under our noses. In other words, let me explain the mindset of the people who attend our churches and why it's difficult leading them.

Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash


The People We Lead Prefer Individual Freedom and Happiness.

Lately, people are splitting into groups aligned with their self-interests. People are more interested in themselves and what they think of themselves. They don't care about what other people think of them anymore. These days, it's all about us.

People are more interested in themselves and what they think of themselves. They don't care about what other people think of them anymore. These days, it's all about us.

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The Bible established the standard for ethics, what people thought, how they behaved, and what they valued in the past. Experiences, wants, preferences, and emotions have taken their place.

For example, married people might say, "I feel like something has changed." And they might think that means they should get divorced. But sometimes, couples can work it out because their feelings change back again. That's why the divorce rate is five times what it was 50 years ago.

Furthermore, people will say, "I believe in God," but they won't attend church because it is old-fashioned and too traditional. Why? Because self has been elevated above God.

I have a friend who fights for Black Lives Matter. She's also sexually liberated and doesn't believe in God. She is like, "I am not going to listen to what you want me to do with my body, but I will tell you what you can do regarding Black Lives Matter.

The contradiction is confusing. Some people do not want to be judged on what they do. But on social media, everyone seems to judge other people. They're wannabe moralists.

As church leaders, we need to be able to push against this trend and make a difference.

Anything or Anyone That Restrict Freedom, Happiness, And Self-Expression Are Cancelled.

In the west, many people don't think religion is important. They believe that they can make their own religion. This may be because they don't like the way authority structures work. People want to do what they want to do and not follow anyone else, so many churches are having a hard time in today's world. That mindset doesn't adhere to the fact that Jesus is Lord.

When we say, "Jesus is Lord," it's about how we listen and obey what Jesus tells us. We know what we believe, but we must also follow his instructions. 

Moreover, Christianity is not about winning. It is about obeying. We preach that you can be a winner in Christianity, but the truth is that it's about following something that goes beyond you. This can make your self-fulfillment challenging.

We preach that you can be a winner in Christianity, but the truth is that it's about following something that goes beyond you. 

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What's Next?

Expand your thinking beyond the church and your building. Think Mission.

The church is not meant to be a sanctuary, but rather it's called the mission field. The goal should shift from building our faith within bricks and mortar walls; instead, let us strive for more than believing in something without seeing its results on earth--we need active participation that impacts lives around us!

The church is not meant to be a sanctuary, but rather it's called the mission field. 

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If you are a church leader or pastor, this post should explain why leading in today's climate can be challenging. The people we lead prefer individual freedom and happiness instead of being told what they should do by an authority figure. This means that many churches are having trouble attracting members who want the gospel message of Jesus as Lord but not as Savior with all its restrictions on their behavior.

So, in short, people today don't want to be restricted by authority structures - including the church. They want to do what they want to do and not follow anyone else. 

However, this doesn't mean that we should give up. We need to preach that Jesus is Lord and that our Faith is not about winning in life but following Him. We also need to be obedient to Him and not just do what we want. This will be a challenge in today's society, but it's one that we need to overcome.

5 Words of Advice for Young Pastors

5 Words of Advice for Young Pastors

by | Oct 4, 2021 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Leadership

As I've watched the world change over the last few decades, one thing has remained constant: my love for investing in young, teachable pastors.

I think it's one of the best ways to encourage future leaders and provide them with great opportunities to grow their skillset. If you're reading this, I know some of the following apply to you. You are passionate about Jesus and his Church.

You love people sincerely and want to pour into them (and let them pour into you). The pastorate is your call. You are experiencing the ups and downs of ministry life, including some who've invested in you (that you sincerely appreciate) and maybe others that aren't so great.

One constant in ministry life is change. Each week I get to do things I've never done before. When you are a young pastor, the chances are good that you will face times where you feel ill-equipped and overwhelmed.

Now that I have more than twenty years of pastoring, I'm eager to share what I'm learning to help younger pastors. One question I'm generically asked often: What advice would you give to young pastors just starting in ministry? Here are five words of advice for young pastors:

Prioritize Your Relationship With The Lord. Keep Him First

If God has allowed you to be a pastor—it's probably because He wants to use you to impact other people for His kingdom. And one of the best ways for Him to do that is through your relationship with Him.

So make sure you are growing in your faith. You are never too young to walk with God or learn more about Him.

Sometimes we can get distracted and forget about our relationship with the Lord and how He is working in our lives and ministry. His will for our ministry is deeper than we can comprehend, but we must keep Him centered in all that we do.

It may not always be easy to stay focused, but it's worth it! Ask God to help you prioritize your relationship with Him and not let other things take the place of this essential bond.

There are many ways to put God first in your life, but I want to offer a few specific suggestions. If you're feeling overwhelmed, take a breath and ask yourself what is essential at this moment.

When I feel overwhelmed, it sometimes helps me to pray, meditate, or read Scripture. Treating other people with kindness and respect is also a way to put God first.

You can do this by being honest without hurting people's feelings, being polite when possible, and not gossiping or judging people behind their backs.

Sometimes we can get distracted and forget about our relationship with the Lord and how He is working in our lives and ministry.

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Prayer is The Foundation So Set It as a Priority

Prayer is the foundation, so set it as a priority in your schedule, or it will be pushed back/out. Prayer is not just about "talking to God" but much more. It is listening to what God has to say. 

When you spend time listening to what God has to say, you also listen for his voice in other places like Scripture, what other people are saying, where you live, work, etc. It's hard to catch God in a vacuum, so being aware of what God is doing around you will help your prayer life.

Prayer is the best thing you can do with your time. For Christians, prayer is talking to God, but it's so much more than that. Prayer is listening to what God has to say and recognizing his voice everywhere. When you spend time listening for him in places other than prayer, it's easier to know when he's talking to you."

Prayer is the foundation, so set it as a priority in your schedule, or it will be pushed back/out.

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Family is Your Top Priority. Ministry Comes Second. Failure in the Family Means Failure in Ministry

I am a pastor, and I understand the heavy responsibility of pastoral ministry. Still, I know that family and ministry go hand in hand. The family is the foundation of life and social connections.

When the family is working together, it provides stability for all members. The family also helps to set expectations for life and gives direction- both spiritually and practically. Failure in one area can lead to failure in another.

"Family is your top priority; ministry comes second." This statement needs to be lived out for it to be taken seriously by those who are still calling themselves pastors while their marriage crumbles or while they neglect their children because they're working more than they're home. Young pastors who are entering the workforce must get a firm grasp of this truth.

Family is your top priority. Ministry comes second. Failure in the family means failure in ministry.

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In Proverbs, we read, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6). This verse teaches us that God wants to build His church through families- not just children, but families.

The home is the primary place where a child learns about God and their identity as an adopted son or daughter of God (John 1:12). These foundational truths are planted in the soil of our hearts through family relationships.

The home is the primary place where a child learns about God and their identity as an adopted son or daughter of God (John 1:12).

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Find Mentors and Encourage Them to Mentor You

Finding the right mentors is a crucial part of entering ministry. Mentors can help you learn what it takes to be in ministry, and they can teach you how to prioritize your time and give you advice on the best ways to approach people. A mentor can help you interpret your new culture and navigate complex issues.

Mentors can help you learn what it takes to be in ministry, and they can teach you how to prioritize your time and give you advice on the best ways to approach people.

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Your mentors should be trusted people who also see the vision God has for you in ministry. When interviewing a potential future mentor, choose someone who will stretch, encourage and inspire you to be your best self while loving on you through some hard conversations. You need to be open with them and know that they have your best interest at heart.

It's okay to have a mentor who has more experience than you; remember that God did not call them to be YOU. You are called uniquely by God, and the wisdom of other pastors will never compare to how he may guide you through his word. Find someone who will see your potential and come alongside you while encouraging you to pursue what God has called you to do.

When interviewing a potential future mentor, choose someone who will stretch, encourage and inspire you to be your best self while loving on you through some hard conversations.

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You Can't Do It By Yourself, Don't Be Afraid to Ask For Help

Someone once said, "if you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go further, go with a team." Translation: Become a part of a tribe that will hold you accountable and encourages you to pursue what God has called you to do. Your well-being is never more important than the greater vision God has for your ministry.

It's great that you have a heart for ministry, but your priority should be yourself after God. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Being too tired to function correctly will lead to mistakes and causing more harm than good. If you don't prioritize your well-being, you won't last in ministry for very long.

Being too tired to function correctly will lead to mistakes and causing more harm than good. 

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You should always be learning and growing, but that can come at a cost if you don't manage your time wisely. Ask yourself the question, "What will I miss out on by saying yes?" It may have been good for others, but was it necessary or correct for you? Practice learning to say no. Don't let yourself fall into the trap of yes, just because you're too afraid to say no.

Your leadership will make or break the people you're leading. The more empowered and encouraged they feel by your leadership, the more likely they will stick around and grow with you toward a common goal.

Jesus said that "All of you should be of one mind; united in spirit with one purpose." Don't be afraid to surround yourself with people who see the vision God has for you and want to see you succeed as a leader.

Did you find today's post helpful? What additional advice would you give to young pastors?

Something’s Off: Here’s Why It’s Harder Leading Today

Something’s Off: Here’s Why It’s Harder Leading Today

by | Sep 27, 2021 | Empowerment

Leaders, I'm sure you've noticed that something feels off lately.

Maybe it's in your work life, or perhaps it's at home. You're trying to do more with less because of budget cuts but are frustrated that the quality is dropping. Or you're feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by all the tasks on your plate when there just aren't enough hours in the day.

The thing is, leaders today are expected to do MORE with LESS - not only for themselves but also for their staff members - without any additional resources or support from their organization! Leaders are in a tough spot. The world is changing faster than ever before, and the tools they need to succeed are evolving at an equally rapid pace. 

This blog post will explore what has changed about leading today and how we can adjust and make a real difference in this world. Something happened in March 2000 that changed our lives forever and ushered in Culture Shock.

Leaders today are expected to do MORE with LESS - not only for themselves but also for their staff members - without any additional resources or support from their organization.

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Culture Shock

Culture Shock happens when we experience cultural differences in a way that confuses, frustrates, and even frightens us. In culture shock, culture change seems too fast for our culture-adjustment capabilities. 

Culture Shock happens when we experience cultural differences in a way that confuses, frustrates, and even frightens us.

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The Four Stages of Culture Shock

Church culture, post-pandemic, can be hard to adjust to, especially if it's completely different from what you're used to. There are four stages of culture shock, and the church is not exempt. They are 1) The Honeymoon Phase, 2) The Frustration Phase, 3) The Readjustment Phase, and 4) The Acceptance Phase.

Stage 1: The Honeymoon Phase

The Honeymoon Phase stage usually lasts for about 3 months, but it can be shorter or longer depending on your situation. During The Honeymoon Phase, culture shock is still low, and you are enjoying your culture change. This stage usually lasts for about 3 months or so, but it can be shorter or longer depending on your situation. During the honeymoon phase, you're excited to explore new things and experience new technology like live streaming, Zoom, social media, and learn the latest industry trends. You might find yourself getting too tired at night because you've been doing so much during the day to understand this new culture.

During The Honeymoon Phase, culture shock is still low, and you are enjoying your culture change.

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Stage 2: The Frustration Phase

The second stage of culture shock is called the frustration phase. This typically takes place between 4-6 months after arriving in a culture different from one's own (though this timeframe may vary). You might start getting more emotionally upset about culture-related things as well as starting culture-related fights with colleagues, friends, and family as you're trying to figure out how everything works. Culture shock is more significant now, and you are resisting the culture change that surrounds you. You might not understand why you must lead differently than before.

Stage 3: The Readjustment Phase

The third culture shock sensation is the readjustment phase, usually around the 3-6 month mark. By now, you might feel like you're never going to be able to fit in with anyone or anything, and you've probably hit a culture-related low point. You'll start getting really upset about leadership-related issues that used not to bother you at all. You'll probably feel worse about leadership-related activities than you did before arriving in your new culture. You do not like the culture change and long to return to what's familiar and worked. You've grown weary of Zooming, streaming, and all things online, or even hate it because culture shock is so hard on the mind, body, and soul.

During the Readjustment Phase, leaders do not like the culture change and long to return to what's familiar and worked.

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Stage 4: The Acceptance Phase

The last stage of culture shock is the adjustment phase, and it's typically reached after 6 months (though again, the timeframe may vary depending on the culture). The Adjustment Phase occurs when culture shock comes to an end; you've adjusted into your new culture, and culture-related things (mostly technologically related) don't bother you anymore. Leaders feel they understand how everything works and that they fit in; culture shock is gone at this point.

The Adjustment Phase occurs when culture shock comes to an end; you've adjusted into your new culture, and culture-related things (mostly technologically related) don't bother you anymore.

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Where Do We Go From Here?

Culture shock is a response to cultural differences. It's happening today as leaders navigate cultural changes brought on by this pandemic. Some leaders cannot keep up with the culture change and are thrown us off balance. Some leaders refuse to change, and culture shock turns into culture shock resistance.

Culture shock doesn't have to control your leadership journey. With the right attitude and culture-related tools, church leaders can keep culture shock from controlling them or their church culture.

Many church leaders have culture shock resistance which makes being a church leader in today's culture extremely challenging. Church leaders need to understand that culture is never going back to how it was in the past. Church culture needs to adjust, mature, and grow into this culture change if church culture survives.

Leaders need to understand that culture shock only becomes culture shock resistance when the leader resists culture change and culture-related difficulties. Culture change doesn't happen overnight, but culture shock can. If leaders want to lead effectively in culture today, they must become culture savvy and culture prepared.

As a leaders, were you prepared for the changes that the pandemic brought to our culture? I'd love to hear your response. 

Culture shock doesn't have to control your leadership journey. With the right attitude and culture-related tools, church leaders can keep culture shock from controlling them or their church culture.

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How The Cosby Show Changed My Life

How The Cosby Show Changed My Life

by | Sep 24, 2021 | Empowerment, Family, Goals, History, Motivation, Parenting, Relationships, Television

The Cosby Show was a significant part of my young adult years.

The purpose of this post is not to debate Bill Cosby's legacy of legal troubles but to share how his show changed my life. It impacted me in a way I didn't really understand until I got older and saw how it changed how we looked at African-Americans on TV.

It gave me hope for what life could be like as a Black man. As an adult, it has inspired me to create my own world with positivity and laughter. Today's post will focus on 2 ways this show changed my life:

  1. My view of myself.
  2. My view of others. 

The Cosby Changed My View of Myself

The Cosby Show was unlike anything that had come before on TV. It seemed to be ushering in a new era of multi-faceted television. In the 1990s, something changed, and shows with all-black casts were marketed towards all-black audiences. Black people have been on TV for years; however, they rarely appeared as people of education and means.

Shows like Good Times depicted black life as a struggle, even though most main characters were employed. Now we had The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, but Will Smith was ditching his hometown for ritzy West Philadelphia (he's from East Philly).

We had Martin Lawrence as an underachiever; UPN's Homeboys in Outer Space, featuring two black astronauts who happened to be brothers; we had Living Single. The show was full of characters with advanced degrees from well-to-do families, but it still wasn't the Cosby Show.

Even though they did not always do it well, this show showed life as a family. They showed how absurd families could be and also the things that happen in families. We remember this show for its funny moments and its sincere moments. When the entire family sang along with little Rudy singing Margie Hendricks's part, it became an instant classic. It made you realize that your own family is not as fun.

The Cosby Show was unlike anything that had come before on TV. It seemed to be ushering in a new era of multi-faceted television.

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The Cosby Show Changed My View of Others

The Huxtables were cool parents. They danced, sang, and laughed all over the place. But they also held a mock trial to catch Theo in a lie and flipped out when Vanessa got caught wearing makeup after being told not to.

The Huxtables didn't want to be their kids' best friends or let them get away with anything. The show was a step in the tradition of shows like Leave It To Beaver and The Brady Bunch, but it also had a lot to say about race relations.

When I first saw this show, I didn't think anything of it. After all, there were black families on TV before the Huxtables came along. But as time went on, and as I grew older and saw the good and the bad of black sitcoms and television in general, I came to appreciate Bill Cosby's show for what it was: a trailblazing insight into African-American life.

The Huxtables didn't want to be their kids' best friends or let them get away with anything. 

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The Cosby Show was different from other shows. People on The Cosby Show were friends and families. This made it so that people could relate to the show. It's hard to imagine families as different as those in Everybody Hates Chris or Black-ish without the Huxtables.

The Cosby Show was groundbreaking because it depicted upper-middle-class black families in a way that had never been seen before on television. This show is the reason why I wrote my book, "Finding Joy Despite Life's Hardships: A Guide to Overcoming Setbacks." 

By reading this blog post, I hope you will appreciate black people's rich history on TV. I also hope it inspires you to keep fighting against racism and discrimination in our communities, whether through your words or actions.

And finally, if any of these points resonate with you and make sense to you, please consider pre-ordering a copy of my book "Finding Joy Despite Life's Hardships: A Guide to Overcoming Setbacks." 

Thank you so much!

What TV shows impacted your life?

It's hard to imagine families as different as those in Everybody Hates Chris or Black-ish without the Huxtables.

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3 Tough Truths About Leadership

3 Tough Truths About Leadership

by | Sep 6, 2021 | Empowerment, Leadership, Self-Leadership

We all want to be liked and appreciated. It's just human nature. But it doesn't always happen, does it? There are times when you're going to have to make a tough decision that people will not agree with or like. 

This is the hard truth about leadership, but there are ways around this problem (which we'll cover in this post). You can still lead effectively even if not everyone agrees with you. We'll prove that being respected as a leader is most important!

Every leader must accept three complex realities, but it's difficult for some to get. Regardless of how you feel about it, the fact is that you are going to hate this news. 

The first harsh truth about leadership: If you are a leader, not everyone will agree with you - or even like you.

Not Everyone Will Agree With or Like You

At some point in our lives, we all want to be accepted and appreciated. We desire for people to agree with us. Cheers are preferred to boos. It's tough being the bad guy. (Unless you're a villain.)

The unpleasant reality is that someone will disagree with your decisions if you lead anything, and you'll split people into opposing camps. There will be advocates and critics. (Keep in mind that there has never been a president of the United States, pastor, or CEO - with perfect approval ratings.)

Leading is problematic because it takes people into the unknown. Leadership challenges the status quo. It stretches people and organizations. It brings change, and change is permanently attached to an emotion.

Even when this entails sacrificing approval ratings, leaders must be prepared to lead towards the organization's goal. The only way to avoid this truth is not to lead. In addition to everyone not agreeing or liking you, leadership is also lonely.

The unpleasant reality is that someone will disagree with your decisions if you lead anything, and you'll split people into opposing camps.

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Leadership is Lonely

Great leadership has a lot in common with being lonely.

That probably seems strange and even counterintuitive when you think about leadership as a role that demands connection, collaboration, and communication. You need to lead teams and help them understand your vision so they can do their jobs better. And leadership means having the support of those around you to help push through challenges and accomplish your goals. 

But leadership is also lonely. It can often feel like you carry the weight of responsibility on your shoulders. You make difficult decisions that might not go over well with everyone, and then you have to move forward, knowing things could get worse before they get better. 

And when people around you don't understand what leadership means or why you make the decisions you do, that can exacerbate your feelings of loneliness.

Lonely leadership is leadership where a leader feels isolated and misunderstood by their team, feeling that they carry the weight of responsibility on their shoulders and often do not want to share this burden with others because it's not something to be proud of or something to boast about.

This leadership is mainly characterized by the leadership feeling isolated and misunderstood by their team, feeling that they carry the weight of responsibility on their shoulders.

Lonely leadership usually results in leadership becoming or feeling isolated from others which causes additional pressure for leadership because leadership feels responsible for the well-being of their team.

Lonely leadership can often lead to leadership feeling more pressure and even experiencing additional mental health issues like depression and anxiety. Leadership is an all-consuming role where they have little time for themselves.

Leadership is also lonely. It can often feel like you carry the weight of responsibility on your shoulders. 

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You Don't Have to Wait For Someone to Give You Permission To Lead

I have a question for you: How do you decide what action to take when it feels like everyone else has already decided for you?

It's a common problem in business. You're on the team that's supposed to be taking care of the product, but somehow that duty and responsibility keep getting shuffled around or thrown onto your shoulders. You've tried to speak up about the issues you see and offer solutions, but no one seems to be listening.

The problem here is that leadership isn't a position; it's an action. And as leadership expert Simon Sinek explains: "leadership happens when you take the initiative." Being in leadership doesn't mean waiting for someone else to permit you before taking action.

If leadership is an action, how do you go about showing leadership when it feels like leadership doesn't exist? Here are a few key steps:

  1. Stop waiting for someone else to take leadership first. 
  2. Be the first person to step up and take responsibility for something that isn't working. 
  3. Don't expect people to follow you until you show leadership.
  4. Ask yourself: "What would a leader do?" Then go out and do it! 
  5. Show your leadership no matter where you are, even if leadership isn't currently recognized or appreciated. It may be more important to do so in the areas of your life where leadership is not appreciated.

It's leadership by example, and it's leadership at its finest.

When you take the initiative and act as a leader, even when leadership doesn't exist, you'll overtake leadership in other areas of your organization. People will see that leadership isn't just action when it comes to a leadership role. It's also an action in everyday situations and interactions – leadership is everywhere!

Successful leadership isn't just about leadership positions either. There are countless stories from disadvantaged people who have risen through the ranks simply by exhibiting leadership skills at work, in schools, even at home. They didn't wait for leadership positions before acting as leaders. They just went out and became leadership-like examples in their everyday lives.

Being in leadership doesn't mean waiting for someone else to permit you before taking action.

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Conclusion

There are a lot of challenges that come with being in leadership. It can be lonely, complicated, and some people won't agree or like you. You don't have to wait for someone else to give you permission before taking action, but there is no denying it's challenging work leading others from the front lines day-in and day-out.

Here's a strong statement I would offer to those who aspire to lead. And, in good faith and humility, I make this claim. It's not intended to discourage you from leading; instead, it serves to assist you in deciding whether or not you should.

If you thrive on the praise of others more than your dedication to making hard decisions and doing the correct thing for the company, I suggest you avoid becoming a leader. If you want to be popular instead of leading, try selling ice cream.

If any of this sounds familiar to you (or if you're looking for guidance), schedule your FREE 30-minute strategy call today! We'll discuss how we can help make your next big idea happen NOW so that by the time tomorrow rolls around - YOU'VE ALREADY WON!