by Clarence E. Stowers | Jun 19, 2019 | Empowerment, Accountability, Decisions, Encouragement, Excellence, Goals, Motivation, Quotes, Self-Leadership, Success, Vision
In 2005, Steve Jobs, founder of Apple Computer gave the Commencement Speech at Stanford University. Hidden in that speech is a powerful quote that resonates.
He said, “You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life”.
The idea behind this quote is that, as much as we try to plan our lives ahead in advance, there’s always something that’s completely unpredictable about life that teaches needed lessons. Unfortunately, people wait too long before learning those needed lessons. In today’s post, I’m sharing three of the nine lessons that people learn too late in life.
If you're a teenager, in your early 20s, 30s, or 40s, or if you're just young at heart, I promise you will want to read this 3-part series, and can save yourself from the mistakes that most people make and regret for the rest of their lives. Let's begin the countdown with the ninth lesson, people will criticize you.
“You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future..."
9. People Will Criticize Me, So What?
Regardless of who you are, someone will criticize you. The fear of criticism kills momentum and gets in the way of creating the life that you want. If you're afraid what other people say and think about you, you might as well stay inside and give up now.
Remember this: The more successful you become, the more haters you’ll attract. It’s like that, and that’s the way it is. So, you have to decide who do you want to be. Do you want to live and become your friend, your parents, or somebody else?
Or, do you want to live and create your own life? Remember, don't be afraid of criticism, do the things that you want to do, and live the life that you want to live. Let's continue with the countdown with the eighth lesson, you are responsible for your own happiness.
Remember this: The more successful you become, the more haters you’ll attract.
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8. I Am Responsible For Creating My Own Happiness
Guess what? Happiness is your choice. Unfortunately, a lot of people think that happiness is something that some people have and some don't. But, the truth is, happiness is YOUR choice.
Here are two important truths I’ve discovered about happiness:
- Happiness is not an easy choice.
- It takes a daily work to be happy.
What does progress have to do with happiness? Happiness comes from making progress. If you're making progress towards your goals, you're going to experience happiness. Unfortunately, many people don't learn this until too late in life. Additionally, they may complain about getting the short end of the stick and choose to remain unhappy.
If you want to experience happiness, you have to take consistent daily action towards choosing happiness. Let's conclude today's countdown with the seventh lesson, be yourself.
Happiness comes from making progress. If you're making progress towards your goals, you're going to experience happiness.
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“Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that.”
7. Be You - Do You
I once heard someone say, “why be a cheap copy when you can be a great original”?
Unfortunately, too many people wait too long to learn this valuable lesson. If you don’t have a firm grip on who you are, you’ll be tempted to borrow and live someone else’s life.
Furthermore, many people (parents, friends, associates, colleagues, etc.) have opinions on who you should be. In fact, they’re willing to offer their unsolicited advice. The sooner you're your own person, the sooner that you're happy with that person. Take Oscar Wilde's advice, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken".
I trust you found value in today's post and I'd love to hear your feedback on what lessons you've learned.
”You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them."
by Clarence E. Stowers | Jun 10, 2019 | Empowerment
Someone once said, “if you want to change your actions, you must change the way you think. Why? Thoughts determine feelings and feelings determine actions”. That’s when I discovered Mel Robbins’ book, The 5 Second Rule.
So, Who is Mel Robbins?
Mel Robbins is one of the most prominent self help speakers and authors in the world today and an inspiration for millions with her body of work, most centered around one rule, the 5 second rule, which will be the focus of today’s post.
Prior to gaining fame she’s actually had a lot of challenges to overcome and lead a life that many can actually relate to.
She actually graduated in Law and was a criminal defense attorney, enjoying her job. That was before she had to find a new job after having moved to a new city. Unfortunately, her job, while still in the same field, left her miserable and she struggled with the day to day.
Her family was struggling for finances and she struggled with postpartum depression after having her child. While at home, adamant she didn’t want to return to the job she hated, she struggled with her depression, her marriage was collapsing around her and she struggled to be productive day to day.
It was in her darkest moment that the solution came to her, an idea so simple she initially dismissed it as stupid, but decided there was no harm trying anyway. Surprisingly, it worked. So she thought she’d try it again and again, the same positive result.
She kept doing it and from there, the 5 second rule was born. So what is the 5 second rule?
The 5 Second Rule
The general principle behind the rule is that you have roughly a 5 second period to perform an action before your mind will pull you out of it and stop you. The reason the mind stops you is because it naturally makes us take action for survival and comfort as a self defense mechanism.
If you’re having to think about an action, it means that action usually has some risk associated to it that could result in you feeling a sense of pain. Our brain is wired to avoid pain and so as we hesitate, it’s building up reasons in your mind as to why you shouldn’t take action.
Usually, most of us will then stop ourselves taking action we know that could benefit us due to this response. And that’s precisely to the point of the 5 second rule, it’s to override the doubts and fears we have and to take actions we know could be of benefit to us quickly.
How do You Apply The 5 Second rule?
So how do you apply the 5 second rule? It’s a simple two step process:
- The first thing to do is to acknowledge that you’re stressed. Don’t analyze or dissect it, but just accept that what you’re dealing with is not a fault, defect, or inability in you, but a reaction to stress and it’s driving your decisions. That takes a bit of the pressure off and enables your prefrontal cortex to play a role in the next decision.
- Make a 5-second decision that is directly contrary to the stress response. You do this by counting backwards from 5, like a rocket launch, and by 0 you need to push yourself to take action.
The 5 second rule is simple, and it has to be as if it isn’t then we’ll overthink the rule and still fail to take action.
The 5 second rule is about seizing opportunities in the day. The average person has a huge number of opportunities that come their way daily to get little wins and instead of taking them they let them float by. The 5 second rule is about acting to take the opportunities, not to wait for them to land in your lap.
So, What’s The Point?
Remember, The 5 Second Rule is a method to push you to do what you know you should but often fail to act on. So use the 5 second rule and seize the opportunities you have in life!Enter your text here.
How do you plan to use the 5 Second Rule?
by Clarence E. Stowers | Dec 25, 2018 | Empowerment, Christmas, Encouragement, Success
Merry Christmas!
Sometimes the holidays only seem to remind us of what we have lost. But you will never lose the love and caring of those who know you and want the best for you.
Warmest wishes at Christmas and always,
Clarence E. Stowers, Jr.
by Clarence E. Stowers | Dec 12, 2018 | Empowerment, Decisions, Encouragement, Leadership, Self-Leadership, Success
Have you ever said things like this to yourself:
- “Does everything happen for reason”?
- “Every season has a reason”
- “Trust the process”
- “It just wasn’t meant to be”.
- “Even though I don’t understand everything now, everything happens for reason”.
Isn’t it amazing, but as we age in life, we have this insatiable desire to make sense out of the random things that happen in life?
We want our lives to be like the perfect jigsaw puzzle. A place where everything fits neatly and we can step back and understand how it all works together.
Everyone wants life to make sense.
Every time we experience an event, like a puzzle piece, we know exactly where it goes. Wouldn’t that be great? All of this is fine and dandy until we hit the big bumps in life and the only question we can ask is why? We want to know where do these pieces fit in life’s puzzle… random puzzle pieces like divorce, financial struggles, medical challenges, and friends stabbing you in the back.
We want to believe this wasn’t in the plan and say to ourselves, “I don’t know where this piece of the puzzle fits… It’s random. As a matter fact God, I don’t even like this piece, it’s the wrong color, and it doesn’t go or fit my puzzle.”
When people are going through a difficult season, let’s stop saying: “Well, that’s just how life goes. That’s life. Stuff happens”. It’s in all of us to want to help people make sense out of life’s random puzzle pieces. It’s in us… It’s human nature.
[Tweet “When people are going through a difficult season, let’s stop saying: well, that’s just how life goes. That’s life. Stuff happens.”]
Randomness Draws Us To Jesus
For most of us, this is how we came to know Jesus. We looked at the picture on the box of the puzzle of how our life is supposed to be, and it looks nothing like the picture on the box. We found the edges color matched each piece, and when we received a random piece that didn’t look like a puzzle, it didn’t make sense. It eventually drew us to God.
That’s the beauty of following God. We don’t know with everything fits. We don’t know what he’s up to, so we exercise our faith. That’s what the Christmas story is all about. Got dipping down into humanity and making sense of all of the random puzzle pieces in the life of Mary and Joseph.
The Christmas Story Seems Random
The events of the Christmas story seem kind of random: a decree from Caesar, an engaged virgin, an angelic announcement, wise men giving gifts, and no room at the inn, This doesn’t sound like the story we’d write if we were God. Like Mary and Joseph, some of the circumstances we may be dealing with this year isn’t exactly what we’d write for our own stories either.
Something to Remember
“In the face of life’s seeming randomness, we can take comfort in the fact that God is active in the world. The Christmas story confirms that he is at work in the midst of darkness. As Christmas approaches, remind yourself that nothing just happens and life’s random puzzle pieces are a part of a bigger story”, according to Andy Stanley.
[Tweet “In the face of life’s seeming randomness, we can take comfort in the fact that God is active in the world. “]
by Clarence E. Stowers | Dec 10, 2018 | Empowerment
A few weeks ago while relaxing in our church's café, I decided to shoot a short video.
I believe I have something that I prayerfully can help leaders and aspiring leaders to become better leaders. A few months ago, I did a Facebook Live video where I talked about the necessity of having allies and advocates.
The Necessity of Allies and Advocates
Any time that you're going to do anything significant, anything great, anything worth doing, you're going to need allies and advocates. Allow me set this up as the foundation of what I want to build upon.
People who know me, they know I like to put things in a frame to give it context. I'm beginning to understand that most people are only out for themselves won't help you. Did you catch that?
People who are only out for themselves won't help you. Now, that's the frame I'd like to put around this discussion, because you're going to need allies and advocates.
What's An Ally?
An ally is someone who believes in what you're doing and then comes alongside of you and aligns themselves with you in order to help you reach your goals, or to reach destiny. That's an ally. You're going to need allies.
Now, on top of having an ally ... They see what you see, believe in what you're doing, and then they come alongside and align themselves ... you're going to also need advocates.
What's An Advocate?
Advocates are usually people who are influential. Not only do they align themselves with you, there's the difference. An ally aligns themselves with you, because one is too small of a number to do anything great. But an advocate is usually influential, give voice to your goals, your vision, your destiny and begin to speak publicly to other influencers to open up doors that you couldn't imagine.
So go back and evaluate your friend list. Ask yourself, "Are they allies or are they advocates?" You'll soon discover why you're not where you need to be.
Don't forget to check out my short video below and let me know what you think? Do you have allies and advocates in your life? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
by Clarence E. Stowers | Dec 5, 2018 | Empowerment
The Power of Evaluated Experience
Hey, what's up, everyone?
I want to take the opportunity to share from my experiences in leading people.
I've been in the game a long time. 20+ years pastoring, 30+ years in various leadership positions, so I know enough, I believe, to kind of help someone because I've made a few mistakes.
We hear the word wisdom tossed around a lot because people think just because I have experience means that I have wisdom, and that's not necessarily true because the only way you get experience is by making a lot of bad decisions. Experience is not necessarily the end goal to wisdom. It's evaluated experience that makes you wise.
Think about that. "Evaluated experience is what makes you wise", according to Andy Stanley. Why? If you never take time to evaluate the bad decision, then how can you take that knowledge into tomorrow?
So by me being able to evaluate the bad decision sets me up to make even greater decisions, and my prayer is that we find or rather help people look at the bad decision, evaluate it in its entirety, and then use that evaluation to springboard them into making better decisions.
Now, here's the thing. Why am I sharing this? I'm sharing this because any time you endeavor to become a leader, any time you make a decision to own your own business, a decision to lead others down the path of greatness, think about this.
You're going to have to make some tough calls, and if you haven't had enough evaluated experience, then you're going to continue to repeat the history. Think about it. If you don't have enough evaluated experience, you'll continue to repeat history. And that's why yesterday looks the same as today.
So go out there, make some decisions. Make evaluations, and then come back and evaluate that decision so that you can set yourself up for a better tomorrow.
"Evaluated experience is what makes you wise", according to Andy Stanley.
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