Quick – Who makes the best pound cake in the world?
My Aunt Doretha used to make the best pound cake in the whole world. It was so rich and creamy. I remember visiting my Aunt Doretha one summer and she explained to me that it was called a pound cake because it used a pound of butter and a pound of sugar (talk about busting the diet). Although it may not have been healthy, it sure was delicious! As I reflect on my aunt’s recipe, I wonder if the pound cake would lose its taste if one of the MAJOR ingredients (sugar or butter) were missing? Would it remain rich and creamy or morph into chewy disaster?
In today’s politics, both Democrats & Republicans demonize those who attempt to move to the middle in an attempt to forge compromises and solve problems that meet the needs of all. We all suffer from this polarization. We desperately need more leaders in Washington who can collaborate.
Google gives an example of what could happen if people would collaborate:
To improve collaboration with others, there may be no greater source for “how to” than Dale Carnegie’s 1936 classic How To Win Friends and Influence People. The principles are timeless. Some of the techniques we can each use to strengthen our collaborations with others include:
Become genuinely interested in other people. Take the time to ask them about themselves, their points of view, their histories.
Be a good listener. Remembering we’ve been given two ears and one mouth, and using them in that ratio, is a great first step. Let others do the majority of the talking. Put yourself in the “reverent” listening mode, like the person you are speaking with is telling you the most important thing in the world. No multi-tasking while listening. No trying to get in a word edge wise.
Be empathetic. Try honestly to see things from the other’s point of view. Repeat key points of what you’ve heard. Even if you don’t agree with the idea, paraphrase your understanding of their thoughts and needs and refrain from judging.
Be open, supportive and encouraging in your collaborations with others. Encourage diverse perspectives. Seek to understand. Be optimistic and supportive when hearing other points-of-view.
In my humble opinion, there’s something wrong with leaders from every walk of life. It appears we’ve lost the art of collaboration. It’s the missing ingredient we all need if we’re to be successful in life!
Do you currently practice collaboration with others? If so, how? If not, why?
For that matter, think of their characters: LeVar Burton in Roots, Jack Dawson in The Titanic, or Denzel Washington in The Book of Eli. What do they have in common? All are GREAT stories and all GREAT stories and have a hero. Additionally, their stories possess two key elements you should incorporate into your story:
A serious challenge
A hero dealing with challenges and learning something as a result
It’s easy to see why most stories fail. Try this story from a typical church conference speaker:
My wife and I started this church in 19xx with a few people and a heart to win lost people to Jesus (they leave out the part where millionaire donors foot most of the bill). Today, we are a thriving mega-church with 15 campuses and a $20 million budget. We host conferences, trainings, and training resources to help you get to where we are (not stated – but implied). We are #6 on Church Growth Today’s list of the fastest growing churches in America.
It’s an impressive story, but there’s a problem:
IT’S NOT A GOOD STORY &
IT HAS THE WRONG HERO!
If you want your friends, family, church members (pastors), colleagues, or clients to identify with your story, you must do what great story tellers do:
HELP THEM IDENTIFY WITH YOUR HERO!
Trust me: People won’t readily identify with you, your church, or your company/business for a simple reason:
YOU ARE NOT, AND NEVER CAN BE,
THEIR HERO!
Instead, they are their heroes. People identify with themselves; they want solutions to their problems. Unfortunately, they are not interested in helping you reach your goals. Instead, they are interested in making their own lives better.
The ideal story talks about the person, not about you, your church (pastors), or your company/business. It puts the listener in that hero’s shoes, and creates tension around some challenge that faced the hero. Your best stories are not about you; they are about them. Tell stories that make people the heroes and help them identify with them. Then they will see how you can help them! It’s a tough task, but, you can do it!
Did I challenge you to change your story?
If so, how? If not, why?
What makes people like Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, and Lance Armstrong so great?
We think we know: Each was a natural who came into the world with a gift for doing exactly what he ended up doing. Guess what, I found the secret to their success and because I want you to succeed, I’m ready to share my discovery with the entire world. I’m about the let you in on a secret that has the potential to revolutionize your life!
Shhhh…Lean Closer….
Here it is:
THERE ARE NO SHORTCUTS TO SUCCESS. PERIOD!
Nobody is great without hard work!
Researchers have identified what they call the ten-year rule when it comes to becoming a world-class performer. In 2006, Fortune Magazine published, “What It Takes to be Great” which coined the phrase “Performance Principle.” The Performance Principle says that it takes a long time to be an overnight success. Furthermore, the author goes on to say, “Even the most accomplished people need around ten years of hard work before becoming world-class…” This pattern is so well established researchers call it the ten-year rule. In short, what they and others have discovered: There are not shortcuts!
The best people in any field are those who devote the most hours to what the researchers call “deliberate practice.” It’s activity that’s explicitly intended to improve performance, that reaches for objectives just beyond one’s level of competence, provides feedback on results and involves high levels of repetition.
Fortune magazine gives this example:
Simply hitting a bucket of balls is not deliberate practice, which is why most golfers don’t get better. Hitting an eight-iron 300 times with a goal of leaving the ball within 20 feet of the pin 80 percent of the time, continually observing results and making appropriate adjustments, and doing that for hours every day – that’s deliberate practice.
Have you ever been tempted to take shortcuts? Did you? What were the results?
How do you stand out in a world where people are OVERWHELMED?
Two ways: SIMPLIFY and CLARIFY!
Recently, I accompanied Shauntai (my wife) to the grocery store and was quickly overwhelmed with how many brands and types of toothpaste there were. In the typical Target store, you confront rows of over sixty options, including pastes with whitener, tartar control, breath-freshening, baking powder, tube and pump, in over a dozen different brands (what ever happened to just plain ole Crest) .
Let’s be honest: We all FEEL overwhelmed. Our DVD players have more functions that we can learn. When something goes wrong, few of us know what to do.
Additionally, we ARE overwhelmed. Everyone you deal with is overwhelmed. Whatever you want to communicate to them, you must learn to do it simply and clearly.
The first rule in communication is:
Communicate so that you cannot be misunderstood.
Clarity inspires trust. We worry about the opposite: we fear that people we do not understand may be concealing something. We suspect the confusion might be a smoke screen, intended to keep us from the truth.
Clarity inspires faith. We assume, as jurors assume when they hear expert witnesses, that a person who communicates clearly understands her subject. I remember reading somewhere where a leading jury conslulting firm discovered that people regard “clarity” as the signal trait of a true expert!
Here’s The Point:
Make yourself clearer, and people will think you’re an expert.
What tips do you have to share that’ll help others to simplify and clarify their message/product/service?
How many times have you met someone and immediately formed a favorable or an unfavorable opinion about them? Honestly, we’ve all made what I’d like to call, “snap-judgments.” Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking is written by Malcolm Gladwell on how we make decisions about people (and many other things) without full knowledge.
The author describes the main subject of his book as “thin-slicing:” our ability to gauge what is really important from a very narrow period of experience. In other words, spontaneous decisions are often as good as—or even better than—carefully planned and considered ones. Gladwell explains how an expert’s ability to “thin slice” can be corrupted by their likes and dislikes, prejudices and stereotypes.
Whew, that was pretty heavy.
Take a deep breath…relax…are you still with me?
Here’s what Gladwell is saying: People rarely make decisions as a product of long deliberation. They make take weeks to announce a decision but often make the decision in minutes, perhaps seconds.
People do not gather data to make a decision;
they often gather it to JUSTIFY their decision!
They are not accumulating understanding; they are seeking comfort and support. Most decisions are made, and then justified, rather than the other way around.
Therefore, that leads me to one obvious implication: “First impressions are really lasting impressions.” The first impression, with startling frequency, is also the FINAL DECISION.
HERE’S THE POINT:
The first thing to plan for is your first impression.
Why, once a mind is made up, seldom does it change.
Has anyone judged you based on their first impression?
Have you ever judged someone based on your first impression?
Conventional wisdom says you need a mentor to help you get to where you desire to be. This conclusion, however, is based on a faulty assumption. The sources of this wisdom confused coincidence with a cause. No doubt many successful people have had mentors, but, knowing that doesn’t prove the person succeeded because of their mentors. For all we know, they might have succeeded in spite of them.
The reason that many successful people had mentors is that people destined to succeed ATTRACT all kings of people, including mentors. They attract mentors, fans, followers, and even HATERS. So the way to attract a mentor is to display those traits that will lead you to success anyway. Like begets like. Birds of a feather flock together. Will a mentor lead you there? Perhaps. Will one help you in some smaller way? No Doubt.
Here’s my advice: Don’t seek just ONE mentor. Instead, focus on doing the things that might attract people, including mentors. If you do find a mentor, make sure you include others. Remember, mentors are people, people are fallible, and even gifted doctors misdiagnose. Fortunately in many of those cases, the patient sought second and third opinions. YOU SHOULD TOO!
Having just one mentor is overrated;
having several is not.
What do you think? Do you agree or disagree?
FYI: I thinking about starting a mentoring group this Spring. If you are interested and live in the greater Chicago area—please email me (urban.pastor@gmail.com) and I will outline the details for you.
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Best regards,
Clarence E. Stowers, Jr.
